It's probably not a huge thing yet, but I am in the position where I'm essentially responsible for getting the older generation in some sort of responsible housing. Not in my home.
Am I the Gen X/Y pioneer in this?
I checked the housing prices in Dayton, Columbus and where my brother lives in Indiana. Essentially, I can buy my mother a whole damn neighborhood at those prices. But what then?
My mom would rather have an RV and live at June Lake.
What about that whole lifetime of things you collected mom? What about your obsessive hoarding of anything of sentimental value, mom?
Well, you can just store that until your brothers are ready to take what they want.
AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Excuse me, while I set fire to my mother and all her belongings.
I can get a nice place in Cabo for 70k. Even at the minimum SSA she might be able to afford that if she took on the occasional AirBNB thing. I'm trying very hard to love my mother, but this is like the seven hundred thousandth dollar I'm tossing in the ring for her...
Anyone shoved their loved ones overseas? Or found a way to murder them without incident? PM me por favor.
For some reason I thought the thread would be about storing classic cars. :hmm:
On topic, it has come or will come to most of us, no useful advice.
My Dad, an independent sort, got his whole senior thing going himself. He lives in the convection oven that is known as Cathedral City.
Quote from: mongers on August 19, 2014, 09:50:28 AM
On topic, it has come or will come to most of us, no useful advice.
Some of you guys are much older than me. There must be some experience here.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on August 19, 2014, 09:53:46 AM
Quote from: mongers on August 19, 2014, 09:50:28 AM
On topic, it has come or will come to most of us, no useful advice.
Some of you guys are much older than me. There must be some experience here.
Experience, but no useful advice.
I think each situation/senior/parent differs too much to draw any guidance.
An RV at June Lake sounds cool.
I've been trying to convince my father to get a condo in my complex for a few years. Since the prices have disintegrated he could get one super cheap. But he doesn't want to live in Atlanta. I don't know how long it will be tenable for him to live on his own though.
He also has the opposite storage thought process on sentimental items. I've gotten calls, "I had to throw out all your old video games and gi joes. Had to cut down on the clutter." You live alone in a 5 bedroom house and they were neatly in a couple of boxes in the garage. :mad:
My dad would kick my ass if I even hinted at him going into one of those retirement "communities".
I was over there yesterday. Mom was watching the black church channel, which means crazy antics and baptist baptist baptist.
My mother was kicked out of a black baptist church in Indiana because she was white. This was in the 60s. Yeah that kind of shit happened too.
I think my mom always wanted to be in on that shit. Our whole life she kept telling us about it, but when the time came, we were too white. I didn't really get that as a ten year old. If I wanted to go to church I had to be an oppressor. I can't be one of the good guys. I'd rather watch Star Trek. Thanks mom.
Quote from: alfred russel on August 19, 2014, 10:01:56 AM
An RV at June Lake sounds cool.
Mom is surprisingly amenable to that solution. June Lake is pretty nice, but it's a camping place. I didn't expect mom to be cool about it.
I think I need more ideas because mine are too confined now.
Lowest bidder will get my parents when the time comes.
At 69, pending any significant health concerns, my parents think they've got close to 10 years of independent living left in them. I dunno about that. Between Dad's forgetfulness and Mom's broken down body, I think they need to consider a senior-centered community.
Mom wants a smaller place, one floor. Dad wants to stay in the house until they cart him out, and doesn't want shit to do with anybody else. Unfortunately, that would leave me with no place to go, since as a member of the 44-and-older demographic conveniently ignored by the greater economy, as I will never regain decent professional employment ever again.
I'm glad my sister married into money so she can deal with all this bullshit.
Neither my parents or my in-laws are there quite yet, but it has crossed my mind.
I do have to say you're more generous with your mom than I would be in the circumstances.
Two words: run, runner.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on August 19, 2014, 09:43:26 AM
What about that whole lifetime of things you collected mom? What about your obsessive hoarding of anything of sentimental value, mom?
Well, you can just store that until your brothers are ready to take what they want.
AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Excuse me, while I set fire to my mother and all her belongings.
It's the new of life, I guess. When I was young, I remember my uncles&aunts leaving stuff at their parents house. And now it seems, it's the parents leaving their thrash at ther kid's house. For fuck sake, he's got 3 garages, 1 warehouse, 1 small shed and that's still not enough room, I am supposed to live with all his stuff filling my very small-ish garage and my basement.
I tried to clean it up twice, the first time it all ended back here, the second time, he at least kept it in his new place, but I still got a lot of stuff. And he complains I use too much space because I keep my electronic boxes!
Damn old folks! :D
Two years ago, my mom, at the age of 70, informed me that she was selling my childhood home, her car, and everything she owned and moving to Florida. If I wanted anything, I was to get it before the move date two months out. :blink:
I got grandma's china and silver, some old family pictures and news articles, and a hug good-bye. :cry:
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on August 19, 2014, 10:12:25 AM
Mom is surprisingly amenable to that solution. June Lake is pretty nice, but it's a camping place. I didn't expect mom to be cool about it.
I think I need more ideas because mine are too confined now.
It really depends on the person obviously. But there are benefits to a retirement community. My grandfather went into a highrise retirement community and began having a really good time with all the social activities. For the same reasons moving to Florida or Arizona isn't the worst idea in the world.
Quote from: merithyn on August 19, 2014, 12:23:43 PM
Two years ago, my mom, at the age of 70, informed me that she was selling my childhood home, her car, and everything she owned and moving to Florida. If I wanted anything, I was to get it before the move date two months out. :blink:
I got grandma's china and silver, some old family pictures and news articles, and a hug good-bye. :cry:
To Florida? Well I guess when you live in Iowa it doesn't seem so bad.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on August 19, 2014, 09:43:26 AM
I can get a nice place in Cabo for 70k. Even at the minimum SSA she might be able to afford that if she took on the occasional AirBNB thing.
If I'm not mistaken, Medicare doesn't work overseas.
Quote from: Admiral Yi on August 20, 2014, 12:54:45 AM
If I'm not mistaken, Medicare doesn't work overseas.
I'll put her in a country with free health care. Spain is pretty cheap right now. :P
This sounds really odd to me. In HK, the seniors help house the young. Housing is so expensive that 90%+ of the 20-somethings have no hope of buying a flat. Seniors should have their own flats by the time they become seniors.
It's not an American thing, Mono. My family is a very special case. :lol:
I think you should send her to a senior living community. I don't know if this is the best choice for her, but it's the best choice for me financially. :shifty:
Cal my mother in law is a care person for your company. :lol:
It's fine, and she hasn't worked in decades, but hey.
I could not do the caring for people schtick. I just can't. Some people can. Good for them.
I want out of this trap. I've been doing it my whole life and I just want to escape. Please can I for once let it all go and not worry that I'm starving my parents? Can somebody take this awful thing from me?
The answer is no, and it's my problem as long as they live. Jerks.
:P
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on August 20, 2014, 06:12:34 AM
Cal my mother in law is a care person for your company. :lol:
It's fine, and she hasn't worked in decades, but hey.
I could not do the caring for people schtick. I just can't. Some people can. Good for them.
I want out of this trap. I've been doing it my whole life and I just want to escape. Please can I for once let it all go and not worry that I'm starving my parents? Can somebody take this awful thing from me?
The answer is no, and it's my problem as long as they live. Jerks.
:P
:hug:
You're a good man, MiM. I know that doesn't help, but you should still hear it.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on August 20, 2014, 01:03:23 AM
Quote from: Admiral Yi on August 20, 2014, 12:54:45 AM
If I'm not mistaken, Medicare doesn't work overseas.
I'll put her in a country with free health care. Spain is pretty cheap right now. :P
I remember seeing some news story about American retirees in Mexico and it said their medical coverage cost about $400/year.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on August 20, 2014, 06:12:34 AM
Cal my mother in law is a care person for your company. :lol:
You're thinking of my old employer. My new employer only owns senior living communities, it doesn't operate them. :sleep:
Quote from: Caliga on August 20, 2014, 07:53:00 PM
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on August 20, 2014, 06:12:34 AM
Cal my mother in law is a care person for your company. :lol:
You're thinking of my old employer. My new employer only owns senior living communities, it doesn't operate them. :sleep:
Still you might have hired the people that work there.
"Three years experience in 'internal action learning' and attended workshops in 'strategic planess'? You are hired!"
Are you kidding? I don't now and have never hired grunts. :)
Of course not. You were "actualizing strategic potential".
I don't utilize use corporate buzzwords, son.
I do however.
That's why you have a house in France and Cal has growing hoard of gold buried in the back yard by his wife.
So it sounds like we need to get our ducks in a row. What are our next steps?
Quote from: Caliga on August 20, 2014, 08:19:54 PM
So it sounds like we need to get our ducks in a row. What are our next steps?
More ducks.
Realigning our priorities to maximize profits.
Ed is better at this than Raz is. :(
I'm not a business man. I do understand politics somewhat. Ed might strategically realign the ducks. I would pass a bill for funding for more ducks and hope that they fall into a row on their own at some future point.
Not too many ducks. Just enough ducks. Our shareholders want a dividend.
We could warehouse old people 8 to a room to maximize our profits.
Quote from: Ed Anger on August 20, 2014, 08:34:34 PM
We could warehouse old people 8 to a room to maximize our profits.
Sounds pretty normal to me.
:bleeding:
Quote from: Ed Anger on August 20, 2014, 08:53:25 PM
:bleeding:
My life's mission is to avoid being warehoused into one of those.
Quote from: Ed Anger on August 20, 2014, 08:33:00 PM
Not too many ducks. Just enough ducks. Our shareholders want a dividend.
See, I think more like government person. We'll just throw ducks at the problem till we either run out of ducks, the problem goes away, or we can quietly ignore the ducks when nobody cares anymore.
Quote from: Razgovory on August 20, 2014, 09:08:30 PM
Quote from: Ed Anger on August 20, 2014, 08:33:00 PM
Not too many ducks. Just enough ducks. Our shareholders want a dividend.
See, I think more like government person. We'll just throw ducks at the problem till we either run out of ducks, the problem goes away, or we can quietly ignore the ducks when nobody cares anymore.
The boys on the board won't like that.
The next duck will have enough dynamite strapped to his ass, the board will be using sandwich bags for the body parts. NOT TOO BIG TO QUACK
It doesn't have to get by the boys on the board, just the legislature. We'll put include language about the moral duty inherent in duck ordering and we'll win over the Family Duck Council types. Also two new state office buildings in the 7th and 15th districts should bring in those votes That's how government roles.
I'm going Galt. QUACK
UPDATE!!11
We've gone through everything and she is dead broke. Trusted a public sector pension that screwed her, contributed nothing to the 403b, ---basically there is no choice that could have been made in modern life that could have possibly ended up anything other than destitute that wasn't chosen. It's frankly incomprehensible to me that in modern times, with all of the investment options and retirement accounts you can get that anyone would possibly have nothing at all. It doesn't register.
My mom paid 25% of her income to the damn state pension fund and now won't get shit because she worked here nine years instead of ten. Fuckers. I could have bought her a house with that much money.
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on September 26, 2014, 02:50:04 AM
My mom paid 25% of her income to the damn state pension fund and now won't get shit because she worked here nine years instead of ten.
Why didn't she work the full ten?
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on September 26, 2014, 02:50:04 AM
UPDATE!!11
We've gone through everything and she is dead broke. Trusted a public sector pension that screwed her, contributed nothing to the 403b, ---basically there is no choice that could have been made in modern life that could have possibly ended up anything other than destitute that wasn't chosen. It's frankly incomprehensible to me that in modern times, with all of the investment options and retirement accounts you can get that anyone would possibly have nothing at all. It doesn't register.
My mom paid 25% of her income to the damn state pension fund and now won't get shit because she worked here nine years instead of ten. Fuckers. I could have bought her a house with that much money.
Damn, she should at least get some of that money back or something. That's just theft to screw someone out of pension funds like that; the money she paid in should be hers.
Quote from: Caliga on September 26, 2014, 05:02:53 AM
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on September 26, 2014, 02:50:04 AM
My mom paid 25% of her income to the damn state pension fund and now won't get shit because she worked here nine years instead of ten.
Why didn't she work the full ten?
Laid off just in time. ;)
Ugh. :bleeding:
I'm sorry MiM, tough times.
Quite a few of us have or at least are about to assume responsibilities for elderly family. It's just life, I don't think anyone can expect things to go smoothly or ideally, getting old is about dealing with increasingly complex and unexpected difficulties, both for the individual and the family.
25% seems like helluvalot. Was that a requirement?
Also, one more argument for defined contribution plans.
It's kinda funny looking at the OP in this thread and knowing where we've been since.
I have been successful in managing this process, but I have also found that the grinder has cost me dearly in my relationship with my mother. She has, probably, grown closer to me. But all of this has been a very bad reminder from my end. I am having trouble even liking her at this point.
Every piece of crap she wants to save but doesn't need reminds me of my education that nobody paid for. Every time she shows an irrational attachment to some garbage item she bought reminds me about waking up all through high school and rolling the dice about what utilities might be off that day. It might be a cold shower. Maybe a shower in the dark. My whole senior year, we had no phone. That's a great thing for a young dude's social life. :P ...And my parents both worked for the phone company at the time.
Now, she is living in my guest room. My house is filling up with her stupid crappy hoarding crap. She has 17 white plastic drawers in storage. These are a staple if you are turning your average hallway into a warehouse. She has 27 more of them still in the house we're moving her out of. That's 44 sets of horrid plastic drawers. I convinced her to donate the rest to the SA.
TBH, I'm having trouble staying on track because I'm the only one taking charge of her crap and I have seven siblings. I want to bail out. I want to say to everyone I have done enough and now this is your burden. But I can't. They have nothing. All of my five brothers and two sisters are poor and have nothing to contribute.
I saw it all coming and saved aggressively for a couple years because I knew this was going to happen. Everyone saw it, but only I prepared.
I'm getting irritated now. It's nobody's fault at this point, but I'm frustrated as all hell. My siblings are blind and deaf, and my mom doesn't care what happens as long as she decides everything and I pay for everything. Damn boomer assholes. :(
I dropped a piano on my foot yesterday. :(