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#1

Off the Record / Re: The Off Topic Topic

Last post by Valmy - Today at 09:53:20 PM

I spent 40ish years of my life feeling absolutely safe no matter where I went. I have spent a year getting catcalled, followed, threatened, touched, groped, inappropriately talked to, propositioned, and more. I thought I understood how bad it was before. I thought I was a good "ally". I thought I knew the depths that men went to in pursuit of women. I was wrong.

Ok I believe you. But you seem to blame yourself as being a bad "ally". Some of the stuff you describe is actually illegal to do so it isn't like there is some sense that these men could reasonably understand what they are doing isn't wrong. What should you have done differently in those 40ish years?

#2

Off the Record / Re: What are you listening to?

Last post by Sophie Scholl - Today at 09:45:20 PM

TTPD

#3

Off the Record / Re: The Off Topic Topic

Last post by Sophie Scholl - Today at 09:34:27 PM

I spent 40ish years of my life feeling absolutely safe no matter where I went. I have spent a year getting catcalled, followed, threatened, touched, groped, inappropriately talked to, propositioned, and more. I thought I understood how bad it was before. I thought I was a good "ally". I thought I knew the depths that men went to in pursuit of women. I was wrong.

#4

Off the Record / Re: The Off Topic Topic

Last post by Valmy - Today at 09:25:32 PM

As someone with a rather unique perspective on this: men need to stop talking, listen, and do better. A lot better. As bad as you may think it is? It is worse. 

Tell me more 

#5

Off the Record / Re: The Off Topic Topic

Last post by Sophie Scholl - Today at 09:18:53 PM

As someone with a rather unique perspective on this: men need to stop talking, listen, and do better. A lot better. As bad as you may think it is? It is worse. 

#6

Off the Record / Re: The Off Topic Topic

Last post by Valmy - Today at 08:31:01 PM

I think that's a very kind reading. My first thought would be that I now have a stalker who, a week (and hundreds of deliveries) later still remembers where I live.

Maybe but he is also just a kid thus prone to making well meaning idiotic choices. But sure.

Also it just shows that approaching women, and gay men apparently, will make them think you might be a stalker. So, again, don't fucking do it.

#7

Off the Record / Re: The Off Topic Topic

Last post by Sheilbh - Today at 08:28:59 PM

I think that's a very kind reading. My first thought would be that I now have a stalker who, a week (and hundreds of deliveries) later still remembers where I live.

#8

Off the Record / Re: The Off Topic Topic

Last post by Valmy - Today at 08:25:32 PM

But I don't feel that's anything like a delivery guy dropping off some furniture (or a cabbie or whatever else) "stopping by" to hit on you a week later.

That is why I think he wanted to say something at the time but chickened out or wisely realized how unprofessional that would be and then some of his "friends" encouraged or pressured him to go back and take a shot at it. You normally wouldn't wait a week to do that.

#9

Off the Record / Re: The Off Topic Topic

Last post by Sheilbh - Today at 08:21:10 PM

Really? I would be like "holy shit, somebody thinks I am super hot? I mean thanks pal but I am married and straight."

I mean the closest anything like that has ever happened to me is when I was with a group of my guy friends in Vegas and a bunch of women came up to us and were like "you guys are cute come party with us" and we had to politely turn them down. Only the fact they were just wearing normal street clothes has me sort of convinced they weren't sex workers.

But I don't feel that's anything like a delivery guy dropping off some furniture (or a cabbie or whatever else) "stopping by" to hit on you a week later.

(Practically speaking I might wonder about moving flat but it would also depend what this twenty-something delivery guy looked like - but that's just male privilege )

#10

Off the Record / Re: Being a boy in 2024

Last post by Valmy - Today at 08:11:48 PM

Something I have been surprised at, looking at my son going through Middle School, current aged 13, is how little actually has changed since I was in his shoes back in 1990. The same kind of stupid shit seems to still be going on.