Would you consider your spouse getting fat a good reason for divorce?

[merithyn]

So you left him because he wasn't meeting your needs. Much like Jaba left his gf because he didn't know how to meet hers. So why are you giving him such a hard time? Seems both breakups were in everyone's best interests.

It sounds to me like it was more of she wasn't willing to meet his requirements of her rather than that he didn't know how to meet hers, but I may be biased. 

[fhdz]

You know, marriage gets so nasty, especially when one is married to a whiny bitch, that I can see why some guys would opt for the "divorce when she gets too much butter" routine.  Many is the time that the lady was shedding for the wedding, and then when the tux is back at the rental counter she starts eating bon bons and big macs, forgetting to exercise, and having her ass grow to the size of both the aisle and center seat in economy class.

But some folks still do takes those vows pretty damn seriously.  If this is the case, than the guy becoming a fat enabler might help out.  Buy her a couple extra burgers, along with two fries.  Tell her about the supposed problems with artificial sweeteners and refuse to buy anything without hydrogenated oils - for her health.  After a while she won't even have the ability to move much, and that entire "til death do us part" business takes care of itself.  Oh, make sure there is good insurance.

Solving problems in marriage means long term commitments.

PDH GOES IN FOR THE FINISHING MOVE

[crazy canuck]

Solving problems in marriage means long term commitments.

Well done

[Martinus]

If we're going by the strict wording of the poll, it's exactly the subject of the poll

Well Spicey said he would not but he voted yes, saying he would understand somebody else doing it...so no it is not.  It is theoretical not you specifically.

Martinus almost certainly voted yes and he is unlikely to have a wife at any point in the present or future.

The question is about spouse not wife - sorry I did not notice the "breeders only" sign at the door. 

[Valmy]

The question is about spouse not wife - sorry I did not notice the "breeders only" sign at the door. 

I know that was what I was saying

Read what I was responding to.

[Iormlund]

Fear often isn't all that realistic as a motivator in some situations because leaving would be so very difficult (even if no ideal or stigma attached). If you have a house together, you have kids, and your social lives have been entwined for 20 years, it would take a pretty major amount of discontent for someone to uproot and leave, purely as a practical matter.

Leaving is difficult. having an affair, not so much.

[garbon]

Fear often isn't all that realistic as a motivator in some situations because leaving would be so very difficult (even if no ideal or stigma attached). If you have a house together, you have kids, and your social lives have been entwined for 20 years, it would take a pretty major amount of discontent for someone to uproot and leave, purely as a practical matter.

Leaving is difficult. having an affair, not so much.

I don't understand the big fuss about that unless it's just because it feeds into the fear of them leaving.

[Ideologue]

My point wasn't that YOU should find her beautiful. Rather that she was starting to see herself as a beautiful person DESPITE her weight.

Would you not have ill-will for the boyfriend/spouse who left her because he wasn't willing (or unable) to see her as a beautiful person despite her weight?

Lots of negatives in there. I'm trying to parse this out.

I love my husband because I think that he is a beautiful person. His weight has nothing to do with that. As an individual, he's amazing.

If he ballooned to 400 pounds, my physical attraction for him would probably waver, but I would still find him to be a beautiful person. And if my husband stopped trying, I would do all that I could to help him figure out why he gave up, how to make it better, and what we, as a couple, could do to make our lives together stronger. But then, I take my marriage vows very seriously, and always have. Weight just isn't a make-or-break item for breaking my vows to me.

Yeah, but garbon encapsulated what I was saying--to use contract terminology, you're basically saying that a person, no longer attracted to a spouse, is the breaching party, regardless of how they stopped finding their spouse attractive, and they should continue to perform their relationship duties and deserve social opprobrium if they don't.

See, my thing is that if the loss of attractiveness by one party is that party's fault (and if it's unjustified by circumstances), that's the breach.

So--getting old, getting pregnant, or getting into a disfiguring accident are either inevitable or are risks contemplated by the parties, and not ordinarily not good excuses for performance.  But failing to exercise basic preservation of appearance is a material breach, in the same way reducing sex to a trickle or punching one's partner in the face is, however more subtle.

Here's a question: does someone whose spouse has become progressively less attractive to them due to weight gain still have a duty to pretend to find that person attractive, perhaps up to and including the marriage act?  If not, are they justified in simply no longer providing that kind of physical affection (and let's say for the sake of argument psychological and emotional affection remains 100%, and that the withholding of sex is not used as an overt punishment or ongoing threat)?  What happens when the relationship is essentially just a legally-bound friendship?  I guess what I'm asking is whether someone should have to choose between sex they find unappealing, perhaps repellant, no sex at all, or being the bad guy by breaking off a (physically) loveless relationship?

[DGuller]

So, what's the consensus?  Good reason or not?

[11B4V]

So, what's the consensus?  Good reason or not?

Hmm, possible split. We would have to reassess in ten or so pages. 

[Martinus]

So, what's the consensus?  Good reason or not?

Good reason when your spouse becomes fat and you leave her/him. Bad reason when you become fat and your spouse leaves you.

[Josquius]

So....the conclusion of this thread: Don't get married. Better safe than sorry.
?

[MadImmortalMan]

Frankly, I think I have a responsibility to try to be what my spouse finds attractive. If I stop attempting to be that, I will view my own conduct as a breach of my vows.

[Malthus]

Frankly, I think I have a responsibility to try to be what my spouse finds attractive. If I stop attempting to be that, I will view my own conduct as a breach of my vows.

Yup, a better way of thinking about it is: what are *my* obligations? If you are comfortable imposing them on yourself, it makes more sense to consider them a rule of general application. [/Kant]

[stjaba]

For the ladies (and gay men): Is penis size a deal breaker?

http://gawker.com/5991760/size-does-matter-to-woman-who-divorced-her-husband-over-irreconcilable-penis-length

A woman in Taiwan recently divorced her husband, citing irreconcilable differences. Namely, the difference between what she expected his penis size to be, and what it ultimately was.

The couple, identified as Zhang and Zhou, met about five years ago, and dated for five months before deciding to tie the knot.

Zhou, a 55-year-old civil servant, allegedly refused to have sex before marriage, claiming he believed in one of those religions where premarital sex is a sin.

But come their wedding night, Zhang realized she probably should have insisted on trying before buying.

"His penis is so small, like a kid's, only 5cm [2"] long," the 52-year-old told a local paper.

Worse still for Zhang — who says she was promised sex at least three times a week — her new husband was also impotent. "We quarreled the whole night and I asked him to seek treatment," she said.

The two immediately separated, but tried to make it work several times since with little luck. Eventually, Zhang filed for divorce, and Zhou gave up any effort to salvage his marriage.

For his part, Zhou says his erectile dysfunction isn't even medical — it's elective.

"I prefer to have sex in the morning but she wanted it around midnight, by then I would be very tired," he is quoted as saying.

A similar case involving a Taiwanese woman who had filed for divorce over her husband penis size made headlines four years ago.

In that instance, however, the court rejected the woman's request, saying penis size was "very subjective."