Would you consider your spouse getting fat a good reason for divorce?

[CountDeMoney]

I'm constantly amazed at the lack of empathy for people who are overweight/obese/morbidly obese.

Empathy, yes.
Erections, not so much.

[Ed Anger]

I'm constantly amazed at the lack of empathy for people who are overweight/obese/morbidly obese.

Empathy, yes.
Erections, not so much.

[merithyn]

I'm constantly amazed at the lack of empathy for people who are overweight/obese/morbidly obese.

Empathy, yes.
Erections, not so much.

Hey, that's fair. Would that everyone at least felt the empathy.

[garbon]

I'm constantly amazed at the lack of empathy for people who are overweight/obese/morbidly obese.

Empathy, yes.
Erections, not so much.

Hey, that's fair. Would that everyone at least felt the empathy.

So in a hypothetical to the article woman: "I'm sorry you're fat"?

[Iormlund]

Obesity and (lack of) health are linked. You can't really decouple one from another.

On one hand fat people are prone to cardiovascular problems, diabetes and so on.
On the other it's really difficult to gain weight if you follow a healthy lifestyle. I've never met anyone who got fat eating well and exercising regularly. The thing is, most people don't do those things.

[merithyn]

I don't know what that even means. 

Looks are external and one of the criteria people are being judged by others. Just as we can't decide we are intelligent (when we are dumb), we are nice (when we are assholes) or we smell nice (when we have bad hygiene), we can't decide that we look good if we do not.

Sure, different people have different standards - some people may be chubby chasers, some people may be into body odors etc - but that does not change the fact that others judge us based on our appearance, and no amount of self-deception will change that.

I stopped caring a long time ago about others finding me attractive. Some do, some don't. I can't stress over it. Instead, I focus on making myself happy in how I look and appear. I do what I can to avoid making others uncomfortable around me (ie smell nice, wash regularly, etc.), but in general, I don't really care what others like or dislike when they look at me.

[Malthus]

This thread: 

You support the fat acceptance movement?

I support the right of people to decide for themselves how they feel about how they look.

Well, I support the right of people to decide for themselves what they find attractive.  WHERE IS YOUR LIBERTARIAN GOD NOW?

Also, I dunno if it's harder for women to lose weight.  It's pretty hard to eat two-thirds to half your daily expenditure of calories regardless of gender, I imagine.  I know I'm pretty hungry (though actually one does get a bit used to it, it's much easier than it was a couple of weeks ago).

I'm dieting myself - I don't find hunger all that troublesome. What I hate is that, after doing it for a couple of months, I get tired very easily.

[Malthus]

There is a world of difference between 'watching what you eat but not actively dieting' and 'eating whatever you want'.

To my mind, "actively dieting" = trying to reduce one's weight by diet, and "watching what one eats" = trying to maintain one's weight (that is, not increase) by diet.

I think dieting is a wrong approach as it assumes you are on some special treatment that will end when you get slimmer. This is wrong both psychologically and physiologically.

In order to be fit, you need to change your lifestyle and essentially lead a healthy life - including being health-conscious about what you eat. Weight loss is a side benefit, but it should not be a goal (because if it is, you will be stuck in a yo-yo nightmare).

I basically agree, with the caveat that many people want to decrease their size in a reasonable time-frame if they are overweight. The end result of dieting should be a transition into ongoing healthy eating and exercise patterns. Obviously, if you go right back to eating the way that got ypu to increase in the first place, you will increase again.

[Malthus]

Obesity and (lack of) health are linked. You can't really decouple one from another.

On one hand fat people are prone to cardiovascular problems, diabetes and so on.
On the other it's really difficult to gain weight if you follow a healthy lifestyle. I've never met anyone who got fat eating well and exercising regularly. The thing is, most people don't do those things.

The real problem is that many of us have jobs that enforce sedentary habits - exercise is an "extra" done in free time; our working hours are spend sitting at a desk. We who have such occupations have to learn to eat accordingly and make the time to exercise, neither of which is easy.

[derspiess]

Sure, I carry an extra 25 pounds around, and for my own vanity want to drop it, but in general, I'm often told that I have a great body for my age. Max certainly seems to enjoy it. But I do see how hard it is for others, and I get really tired of hearing about how "easy" it is to drop the weight. For me, it really isn't that hard. For others, it's a hell of a lot harder.

As skeptical as you generally are about so many things, I'm surprised you fall for their (those who "can't" lose weight) BS.

[Caliga]

My sense is that most people who "can't lose weight" are probably foodaholics, similar to how an alcoholic just "can't stop" drinking even though that might seem like the easiest thing in the world to everyone else.

[merithyn]

Obesity and (lack of) health are linked. You can't really decouple one from another.

On one hand fat people are prone to cardiovascular problems, diabetes and so on.
On the other it's really difficult to gain weight if you follow a healthy lifestyle. I've never met anyone who got fat eating well and exercising regularly. The thing is, most people don't do those things.

You're right. However, moving from a sedentary lifestyle as an adult into a healthy lifestyle is hard. Really freaking hard if you come from a family who for generations have only known a sedentary life. Judging others because they don't know or understand or know how best to change seems ridiculous at best.

So, they go with what they know: diets. Which never ends well for anyone. It's only been in the past decade that the idea of changing your lifestyle instead of dieting has come into the forefront of thought. Before, it was always, "Diet to lose weight!" Well, that's all well and good, except that it's counter-productive. These days, we're focusing more on living a healthy lifestyle instead, and guess what? Weights are going down in the US. There are fewer overweight and obese children today than there were 10 years ago. Adults are making better lifestyle choices. But it takes time.

And in the meantime, yes, some people are going to say, "You know what, fuck it, and fuck you. I'm making changes in my life, and if I'm not dropping pounds the way that you think I should, fuck you." My best friend walks 3 miles every day, watches her calories, and is still over 300 pounds at 5'10". Sure, she eats more than she should on occasion still, and doesn't exercise as much as she could, but she's made huge changes in her life, and her body is responding well to it, even if she's only losing about a pound a month. Should she be made to feel ugly and unattractive? Should she be shunned and ostracized? Or should she say, "Look at me! I'm awesome! I'm big, and I'm beautiful!"?

You guys would call that being a fat apologist. I say that's owning who you are, and loving who you are, regardless of how others may perceive you. The woman in the article appears to be doing that very thing.

[derspiess]

And in the meantime, yes, some people are going to say, "You know what, fuck it, and fuck you. I'm making changes in my life, and if I'm not dropping pounds the way that you think I should, fuck you." My best friend walks 3 miles every day, watches her calories, and is still over 300 pounds at 5'10". Sure, she eats more than she should on occasion still, and doesn't exercise as much as she could, but she's made huge changes in her life, and her body is responding well to it, even if she's only losing about a pound a month.

I think the recurring theme to this thread has been that most of us disapprove of people who have given up & aren't even trying anymore.  I doubt most of us would be critical of someone who's still trying to lose weight, unless maybe they just say they're trying but really just half-assing it. 

Should she be made to feel ugly and unattractive? Should she be shunned and ostracized?

That's a bit harsh, though I guess that's a good motivator for some people.  It would be for me.

Or should she say, "Look at me! I'm awesome! I'm big, and I'm beautiful!"?

Whoa, there.  Let's not get crazy.  Nothing is beautiful at 300 lbs.  That mentality causes people to coast.  Fat Acceptance FTL.

[merithyn]

As skeptical as you generally are about so many things, I'm surprised you fall for their (those who "can't" lose weight) BS.

It's not BS, nor is it physical. Losing weight requires a monumental shift in thinking, as I said before. That's where the "can't" comes in. For some, making that shift isn't so hard. For others, it's near impossible.

[derspiess]

As skeptical as you generally are about so many things, I'm surprised you fall for their (those who "can't" lose weight) BS.

It's not BS, nor is it physical. Losing weight requires a monumental shift in thinking, as I said before. That's where the "can't" comes in. For some, making that shift isn't so hard. For others, it's near impossible.

It should be as easy as looking in the mirror & saying "holy crap, I've let myself go" and then making changes in your life.  It can't be that hard-- I've done it.