Would you consider your spouse getting fat a good reason for divorce?

[Martinus]

However, you're all misogynists.  Unlike me.

That's not really fair. Some of us are misanthropes, so the title misogynist puts the emphasis in the wrong place. And then there's Valmy who's an utterly enlightened ball of light.

When you are a ball, you can't really want fat people to be dumped by their spouses.

[Ideologue]

However, you're all misogynists.  Unlike me.

Oh? That why all of your relationships have been successful, Ide?

I'm not misogynist. I will confess to having grown a bit fatalist, at least in terms of relationships.

Having said all of that - to answer the original question: no, I wouldn't consider weight gain in and of itself to be sufficient reason for divorce.

OK, I DIDN'T MEAN YOU.  Jeez!

To paraphrase the man, in the long run, no relationship is successful.

[Martinus]

I think that's another thing - people have this idea about relationships (or, if you think about it, not just relationships, but all kinds of other stuff, like jobs, or "life happiness") that there is a point in life where you can say "ok I got what I wanted", sit on your laurels and do nothing.

Not only it would make you miserable in the end due to boredom, it does not work like this - every aspect of life is constant striving, a constant effort to push oneself to something more. If you stop moving, you are in fact moving backwards - this is why relationships fall apart - because there is nothing new in them and people let themselves go.

[11B4V]

Well put as always.

[DGuller]

90 kg is definitely fat. I'm taller than most girls and I've never gone beyond the low 70s. Not even after months on steroids (and trust me, you can't fucking stop eating on those).

The again maybe fat means something different in the US.

One of the problems with obesity in US is that there is definitely a normalization of deviance effect in play.  American diet is definitely way too heavy on crap food and sugary drinks, and as people expand around you by consuming that toxic mix, being of normal weight seems like being malnourished.

[Martinus]

90 kg is definitely fat. I'm taller than most girls and I've never gone beyond the low 70s. Not even after months on steroids (and trust me, you can't fucking stop eating on those).

The again maybe fat means something different in the US.

One of the problems with obesity in US is that there is definitely a normalization of deviance effect in play.  American diet is definitely way too heavy on crap food and sugary drinks, and as people expand around you by consuming that toxic mix, being of normal weight seems like being malnourished.

Three words: fructose corn syrup.

[DGuller]

Three words: fructose corn syrup.

I think if we gulped down sugary drinks with sucrose in the same quantities, we would have the same problem.  The fundamental problem is that sugary drinks infuse a lot of calories into you, but not only not make you feel full, but actually make you feel hungrier after a while.  Personally, I can modify my weight a great deal just by controlling how much sugary crap I consume.

[garbon]

Well put as always.

[Martinus]

Well put as always.

Not sure if serious?

[garbon]

Exactly.

[Valmy]

One of the problems with obesity in US is that there is definitely a normalization of deviance effect in play.  American diet is definitely way too heavy on crap food and sugary drinks, and as people expand around you by consuming that toxic mix, being of normal weight seems like being malnourished.

The weird thing is it always was heavy on crap food and sugary drinks.  Only in recent decades did it really start to change things.

[Valmy]

And then there's Valmy who's an utterly enlightened ball of light.

I am glad my poorly thought out posts usually made through the haze of sleep deprivation coupled with a caffeine buzz gets that across so well

[DGuller]

One of the problems with obesity in US is that there is definitely a normalization of deviance effect in play.  American diet is definitely way too heavy on crap food and sugary drinks, and as people expand around you by consuming that toxic mix, being of normal weight seems like being malnourished.

The weird thing is it always was heavy on crap food and sugary drinks.  Only in recent decades did it really start to change things.

Not sure this is true:



I don't think crap food is as much of a factor as sugar intake, but that too IMO got worse, with fast food proliferation.  Maybe consuming hamburgers and fries isn't much worse for the weight than consuming the same amount of calories in salads, but the easy availability of them leads people to consume them more often, whereas previously they would've just weathered a slight sense of hunger.

[Valmy]

I think that's another thing - people have this idea about relationships (or, if you think about it, not just relationships, but all kinds of other stuff, like jobs, or "life happiness") that there is a point in life where you can say "ok I got what I wanted", sit on your laurels and do nothing.

Not only it would make you miserable in the end due to boredom, it does not work like this - every aspect of life is constant striving, a constant effort to push oneself to something more. If you stop moving, you are in fact moving backwards - this is why relationships fall apart - because there is nothing new in them and people let themselves go.

You are constantly striving and pushing yourself in every aspect of life at the same time?  Sounds rather exhausting.  I only have 24 hours in a day.

[merithyn]

I think dieting is a wrong approach as it assumes you are on some special treatment that will end when you get slimmer. This is wrong both psychologically and physiologically.

In order to be fit, you need to change your lifestyle and essentially lead a healthy life - including being health-conscious about what you eat. Weight loss is a side benefit, but it should not be a goal (because if it is, you will be stuck in a yo-yo nightmare).

Absolutely. So why does everyone continue to focus on "fat" instead of on health? It's never, "Wow, she looks so unhealthy!" No, it's "Look at that fat cow! No way I'd fuck her!" (Or in Marti's case, "him".) Or "Christ, she's huge! That's disgusting!"

I'm constantly amazed at the lack of empathy for people who are overweight/obese/morbidly obese. If it were easy, no one would be fat. It's hard to lose weight, and harder yet to keep it off. It requires a monumental shift in thinking and acting, which we know is not an easy thing to do.

And by the way, "morbidly obese" is 100 pounds or more overweight, not 35 BMI or higher. (Not aimed at you, Marti; I just don't remember who made the comment.) Given that the BMI doesn't measure muscle mass in any way, no doctor worth his or her salt would diagnose someone as "morbidly obese" based on the BMI, unless it was well over 40. The 100-pound mark, however, can easily be tailored to the individual based on what their "natural" weight should be. A woman at 185 pounds and 5'5" is NOT morbidly obese. Possibly unattractive to some people, but certainly not ready to die due to her weight, ie morbidly obese.

You all poke at me about this topic, but the reality is that in general, there is an utter lack of compassion for those struggling with their weight. I say this not as someone who worries about her weight (because quite frankly, my doctor told me that I was in great shape for a woman my age, with the number of kids and surgeries that I've had, and the congenital problems that I've dealt with all of my life). I say this as someone who has watched dear friends struggle for years to lose weight because they have to for their health. Women (and men) well over 100 pounds overweight who work really hard for a long time, and still struggle to make the mental changes necessary to keep going. And while they're working their asses off (literally), they are mocked, called ugly, shunned, and treated incredibly poorly.

Sure, I carry an extra 25 pounds around, and for my own vanity want to drop it, but in general, I'm often told that I have a great body for my age. Max certainly seems to enjoy it. But I do see how hard it is for others, and I get really tired of hearing about how "easy" it is to drop the weight. For me, it really isn't that hard. For others, it's a hell of a lot harder.