Bad jokes, name calling, and personality types. General douchebaggery

Started by 11B4V, March 11, 2013, 08:01:29 PM

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11B4V

March 11, 2013, 08:01:29 PM Last Edit: March 12, 2013, 10:15:21 PM by 11B4V
:shifty:


QuoteJACKSONVILLE, NC — Marine Corps officials released the results of a month-long wargame earlier today, claiming that the study has proven women are capable of serving in combat positions.

The wargame, dubbed Operation Irrational Rage, was planned days after Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta opened combat roles to women. Lieutenant Colonel Jordan O'Neil commanded 3rd Battalion, 2nd Marine Regiment, tasked with finding and destroying an enemy outpost hidden somewhere in the countryside. O'Neil was chosen for combat command after distinguishing herself by replacing PT with Zumba classes, outfitting her Marines with different uniforms so no one could argue who wore theirs better, and replacing MRE's with salads and pints of yogurt.


O'Neil organized a long distance recon, during which she made her Executive Officer, Major Brad Gramble, carry her rucksack and open jars. Unconfirmed sources say she also refused to wear camouflage face paint, claiming it didn't match her eyes.

"She also said her feet were hurting," said Gramble, "so she commandeered a Humvee but ended up driving it into a ditch." She screamed in frustration, prompting her Marines to mutter, "must be that time of the month."

Still, there were setbacks.

That night three Marines were killed in a freak bear attack. Only a day later, Private First Class John Metz awoke to find he had been demoted in the night. When he asked why, LtCol O'Neil only responded, "You know what you did." The battalion was ordered not to speak to PFC Metz until he apologized.

The next day LtCol. O'Neil screamed at Maj. Gramble for leaving the seat up on the ammo box used as a toilet. Although he apologized a dozen times, he wasn't forgiven until he found some flowers and gave her his MRE crackers and jalapeño cheese.

Finding the objective, O'Neil and Gramble developed a plan of attack. The battalion prepared to attack at midnight but had to wait three hours for O'Neil to get ready.

O'Neil led the assault and won a crushing victory, demonstrating that women are just as capable in combat as men.

To celebrate the operation's success, LtCol. O'Neil organized a mandatory shopping trip where everyone was ordered to buy several sets of boots they would never wear. While her Marines shopped O'Neil sulked and complained nobody noticed her new haircut.



"there's a long tradition of insulting people we disagree with here, and I'll be damned if I listen to your entreaties otherwise."-OVB

"Obviously not a Berkut-commanded armored column.  They're not all brewing."- CdM

"We've reached one of our phase lines after the firefight and it smells bad—meaning it's a little bit suspicious... Could be an amb—".

DGuller

#2
March 11, 2013, 08:08:23 PM
 :lmfao:





P.S.  Can I claim that as charitable donation?

Barrister

#3
March 11, 2013, 11:32:43 PM
Incredibly lame.
Posts here are my own private opinions.  I do not speak for my employer.

DGuller

#4
March 12, 2013, 12:16:24 AM
When attempts at a joke or a pun get so bad, they become good just due to being so bad.  Strangely, this doesn't seem to apply for this one:  it is a truly horrific attempt at humor, and yet the worse it gets, the worse it gets.  :huh:

11B4V

#5
March 12, 2013, 12:54:51 AM
 :lol: Hope you didnt spend too much time thinking about those two sentences.
"there's a long tradition of insulting people we disagree with here, and I'll be damned if I listen to your entreaties otherwise."-OVB

"Obviously not a Berkut-commanded armored column.  They're not all brewing."- CdM

"We've reached one of our phase lines after the firefight and it smells bad—meaning it's a little bit suspicious... Could be an amb—".

Razgovory

#6
March 12, 2013, 02:37:58 AM
A female soldier flew in through the window and stole 11B4V's penis.
I've given it serious thought. I must scorn the ways of my family, and seek a Japanese woman to yield me my progeny. He shall live in the lands of the east, and be well tutored in his sacred trust to weave the best traditions of Japan and the Sacred South together, until such time as he (or, indeed his house, which will periodically require infusion of both Southern and Japanese bloodlines of note) can deliver to the South it's independence, either in this world or in space.  -Lettow April of 2011

Raz is right. -MadImmortalMan March of 2017

grumbler

#7
March 12, 2013, 06:14:56 AM
Quote from: 11B4V on March 12, 2013, 12:54:51 AM
:lol: Hope you didnt spend too much time thinking about those two sentences.

Don't worry about it; the rest of us got DG's point, and if you couldn't, you couldn't.  I am sure that you have coping strategies in place to compensate for your lack of reading comprehension.

As an aside, though, I would advise you not to laugh at someone who writes better than you read.  If you had just kept your mouth shut, no one would even have known about your deficiency.
The future is all around us, waiting, in moments of transition, to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in pain.   -G'Kar

Bayraktar!

Eddie Teach

#8
March 12, 2013, 06:17:36 AM
Quote from: DGuller on March 11, 2013, 08:08:23 PM
:lmfao:





P.S.  Can I claim that as charitable donation?

:lol:
To sleep, perchance to dream. But in that sleep of death, what dreams may come?

grumbler

#9
March 12, 2013, 06:22:05 AM
The future is all around us, waiting, in moments of transition, to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in pain.   -G'Kar

Bayraktar!

derspiess

#10
March 12, 2013, 09:55:49 AM
I thought it was pretty funny :)
"If you can play a guitar and harmonica at the same time, like Bob Dylan or Neil Young, you're a genius. But make that extra bit of effort and strap some cymbals to your knees, suddenly people want to get the hell away from you."  --Rich Hall

Eddie Teach

#11
March 12, 2013, 09:58:32 AM
Quote from: derspiess on March 12, 2013, 09:55:49 AM
I thought it was pretty funny :)

But then you don't let your wife drive either.  :P
To sleep, perchance to dream. But in that sleep of death, what dreams may come?

Valmy

#12
March 12, 2013, 09:59:43 AM
Quote from: derspiess on March 12, 2013, 09:55:49 AM
I thought it was pretty funny :)

Don't be that guy.

Wel actually you sort of embrace being that guy don't you?
Quote"This is a Russian warship. I propose you lay down arms and surrender to avoid bloodshed & unnecessary victims. Otherwise, you'll be bombed."

Zmiinyi defenders: "Russian warship, go fuck yourself."

derspiess

#13
March 12, 2013, 10:19:59 AM
Quote from: Valmy on March 12, 2013, 09:59:43 AM
Quote from: derspiess on March 12, 2013, 09:55:49 AM
I thought it was pretty funny :)

Don't be that guy.

Wel actually you sort of embrace being that guy don't you?

Pretty much.  Why not?
"If you can play a guitar and harmonica at the same time, like Bob Dylan or Neil Young, you're a genius. But make that extra bit of effort and strap some cymbals to your knees, suddenly people want to get the hell away from you."  --Rich Hall

Berkut

#14
March 12, 2013, 10:59:55 AM
Quote from: derspiess on March 12, 2013, 10:19:59 AM
Quote from: Valmy on March 12, 2013, 09:59:43 AM
Quote from: derspiess on March 12, 2013, 09:55:49 AM
I thought it was pretty funny :)

Don't be that guy.

Wel actually you sort of embrace being that guy don't you?

Pretty much.  Why not?

The guy is kind of a douchebag, but other than that, no reason why not I guess.
"If you think this has a happy ending, then you haven't been paying attention."

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