How do you know you are drunk?

[Warspite]

When you call a friend in the morning while the room is still spinning around your head like a washing machine. You apologise for leaving the (very expensive) bar without settling your portion of the bill but explain you were really in a bad way and had to bail out, before any more 4 litre jugs of spirit were ordered, and you decided that the best thing to do was to leave the bar and go get the night bus. You then describe the night bus in great detail, including the other occupants, who were loud football fans singing England songs, and the annoying lady from Derbyshire who sat next to you.

He sounds very confused, and explains that you in fact got a taxi (after, it must be said, standing on a bar stool and demanding every else present vote for you in the coming London mayoral election) with him and the other guy you were out with, who ended up losing his credit card and mobile phone.