VISION QUEST TO THE WEST

[Ideologue]

I should've gone with him.  He'll die out there without my leftism to correct him.

[Pedrito]

I should've gone with him.  He'll die out there without my leftism to correct him.

I told ya! You'll have him on the conscience... 

L.

[PDH]

Berkeley, eh?  Well he will see plenty of chinaman girls there, but unfortunately they will not be impressed by his college, bank account, or the fact that he is not from California.  The first time Lettow tries to do his southern gentleman schtick he will feel the cold, cold sting of rejection without an ounce of pity.

[Caliga]

He'll be rebuked prior to even saying anything due to his (lack of) haircut.

[Ed Anger]

Plenty of girls in Oakland for him.

[Jacob]

Berkeley, eh?  Well he will see plenty of chinaman girls there, but unfortunately they will not be impressed by his college, bank account, or the fact that he is not from California.  The first time Lettow tries to do his southern gentleman schtick he will feel the cold, cold sting of rejection without an ounce of pity.

You're behind the times. L77 has given up on the Chinese and is instead fetishizing the Japanese.

[PDH]

You're behind the times. L77 has given up on the Chinese and is instead fetishizing the Japanese.

I thought the Japanese were also Chinaman girls too.

[Ed Anger]

squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[Jacob]

I thought the Japanese were also Chinaman girls too.

Oh... I don't know. I don't think so.

[Caliga]

Methinks Chinese and Japanese may not appreciate being confused for one another.

[Admiral Yi]

Oh... I don't know. I don't think so.

I think what Peedy is getting at is in some parts of the world, such as the Carribbean and South America chinaman or chino is a synonymn for Asian.

And in South America all people of Middle Eastern descent are called turcos.

[PDH]

I just imagine Lettow's surprise when he finds the Japanese girls are all American, the Chinese girls are either American or from rich Beijing/Shanghai families, and that they are actually people and not interchangeable.

[Ed Anger]

I just imagine Lettow's surprise when he finds the Japanese girls are all American, the Chinese girls are either American or from rich Beijing/Shanghai families, and that they are actually people and not interchangeable.

And they'll just laugh when he shows them his Johnny Reb.

[The Brain]

I just imagine Lettow's surprise when he finds the Japanese girls are all American, the Chinese girls are either American or from rich Beijing/Shanghai families, and that they are actually people and not interchangeable.

And they'll just laugh when he shows them his Johnny Reb.

I don't follow.

[Lettow77]

 The west! Gettysburg & Sharpsburg should have been sufficient auguries- devoted confederates do poorly when they venture beyond the South. In Berkeley you find strange things like pizza collectives, the People's Cafe, Guerilla coffee, buddhist book shops, and flyers for unitarian universalism or astral projection. The people are vulgar, and I am out of place. Still, I resolved to be away from home for three months. More to the point, I have no home to return to, exactly, and have the gracious hospitality of a host here. I hope it is enough to keep me tethered here, although I nurse notions of leaving now, when I have stayed here less than a week. Assuming I left, where i'd go is an open question. Vancouver, and before then oregon and seattle, sounded interesting. Utah as well. It could be, though, that my mistake was leaving the South, and my vision quest should have encompassed the Deep South instead.

(A vision quest to begin with is the sort of fanciful idea that takes fools who lack sufficient hard work or kin to keep them tethered to their home. ideally, everyone should have a halfling barrow and leave it only for occasional jaunts to the town a short ways over to trade stories and buy provisions.)

I feel ill at ease. I realize now what I should have realized sooner- it is just the lack of a missus that has me adrift. Whatever her faults, I loved kristi, and we had a comfortable life together. Her mother is dear to me- assuredly the kindest woman I ever knew.  I felt like I had a family in them. But that is closed off to me now, and I am melancholy. I will find no missus here- I have yet to stumble across a proper lady, and even if I did, I couldn't be induced to stay here for any reason.  My host is kind, and I am in his debt- I wish the circumstances were reversed and he were in Memphis. I think it would be rather hard to induce him to come there, though. I wonder if he'd take offense if I tramped off elsewhere? I rather doubt it.

Miss Emily- I don't really have any optimism with regard to that. It is a foolish thing anyway. I may pursue it even so? She is, at least, a pure maiden, which seems so foreign here. No, it is dishonest to say I "may" pursue it. Truthfully the trick is in retraining myself until the end of summer. I long to message her, but time is needed to give it even a remote chance of success. (Maybe? Perhaps I am a fool and should send her messages now. But it is rather critical she believe I am a changed person, I believe, and that necessitates a waiting period during which I have the opportunity to change, or at least appear to have done so.)

I cannot state enough how much I regret the way life's last year has gone. This time twelve months ago I was a far richer man, having as I did a father who loved him and a girlfriend of five years to share the world with. I am terrified that fall will see me deprived of my roommate- how many more people dear to me are there to lose? There are not so many to start with, and I will very shortly be empty. I don't know what I expected of this trip- I could have known better. I started to believe my own rhetoric about it, is the problem. I should have, rather than coming here, set to fixing the problems of my life back home, however that could be accomplished. Crossing a continent did not allow me to outrun my happiness, and rather it has been compounded by feelings of isolation.

Still, there are pleasant things about this journey. I find myself eating much less. I expect to lose weight, and I have set to deciphering the moon runes. I anticipate measurable progress there- memorization of hiragana is the goal. The capability to read a new alphabet is not to be despised.

In the fall I will devote myself to my classes, and hopefully join some groups. It is true that I need to get involved and find friends in isolated Martin- of the four familiar faces I brought with me, one has already left, one is leaving, and the other two are suspected to depart together. I wish there were more people I had commonality with. More properly, I wish I had conducted myself better with the people I knew. I should not have let myself lose the beautiful missus, and must assume responsibility for that relationship's failure. It remains to be seen if that can ever be repaired- Longer odds even than miss emily, maybe, and assuredly it will be longer than the end of this summer before I could make any inroads in that direction. I would be happy with either- all I ask is a lady, and they both certainly are that. Primarily my requirement is the capacity to care about them, and have them receive this affection welcomely. Someone I could cling to and construct an existence with, and someone who would welcome the same, is all I seek.

I did not anticipate, on february 14th, that the period of my dismal unhappiness would extend as long as a season, and instead I find it will almost assuredly drag on for more than two. Hopefully fall will present a new beginning. I can't go home for three months, but I don't relish staying here. Hopefully I will adapt. It is possible that a VISION QUEST TO THE SOUTH is still possible- I could use the summer to walk that violent, humid land, and entrust my safety in the country I love. And I do love it! I wasn't sure, honestly. I had lost my faith, but I needed only to leave. I miss the South, and take its flaws for my own as assuredly as I savour its accomplishments to which I never contributed. Having been to Charleston, Richmond is the principal holy city I have yet to take in the airs of- to say nothing of New Orleans, although the latter isn't exactly what one might call holy, except in the sense that a moonlit forest glade filled with dancing pagans and profane altars could be deemed sacred.

Everyone has something to be thankful for. I am thankful for my friends, my youth, the existence of tea and cats. I aspire to better things in the future.