Crusader Kings 2 Redux

[Drakken]

Just discovered how to assign new commanders and regiments to my hosts, when you have enough Crown Authority. 

Had a near-run victory against my sister the Countess of Blekinge and Bornholm... and Queen Consort of England, she came into Sjaelland with 3000 troops and caught my levies crossing the strait, inflicting me a severe defeat. She really meant it to take my crown, this time. Thank God she didn't call the King of England into arms... or maybe she did and he refused.

Hencefort, Mads I will be known as King Mads the Hammer of the Scanians.

[Fireblade]

Okay, playing as Saxon England is hilarious.

I quickly accepted the inevitable and gave my crown to the bastard from Normandy. Little did he know, I had my fingers crossed when I told him "okay, kingdom is yours!". Within a year, my plot to assassinate that motherfucker had succeeded, and his minor son had inherited the throne. I bided my time, carefully building my money reserves while I prepared to present a fait accompli and demand my goddamn crown back. In two short years, I began looking for plotters to get my crown back, and found a quite willing ally in the Duke of Lancaster (or whatever), which had a 700% chance of succeeding. I was the King of England again, overlord of Normandy, and the Norwegians were back at home eating their rotten ass fish, going to Denmark to buy cheap booze, and doing.. whatever the fuck Norwegians do.

This is where shit got real. My second son, Edmund or some shit, whom I had made the count of Devon, assassinated some relative of mine, I don't know who, so I tried to throw that nigger in prison but he escaped. Then his bitch ass Hungarian wife tried to kill my son, so I actually did throw her ass in prison. Some other shit went down, my firstborn got disinherited in favor of my traitor ass second son, and the Duke of Normandy revolted. I put that shit down, when my second son, the Count of Devon, decided to start some shit and revolt. "Oh HELL NAW!", King Harald bellowed, and raised every nigga in the kingdom to go beat his ass. The Count of Eu also decided then would be a good time to revolt, but fuck Normandy, I'll get his ass later.

In a few months, my son was in prison tossing salad, and my mercenaries were preparing to sail to Eu to kick that dude's ass. On the way there, all of northern England revolted, I was low on money, and most of my levies were depleted. Luckily, my mercenaries captured several rich hostages from the Count of Eu's army, so I accepted white peace and sailed back to England to get real on that nigga. The Duke of Normandy revolted again, along with the Count of Mortain and some bishop in Northern England. Then, the King of France graciously decided to help me with my frog problem. Thousands of Frenchmen went through that shit like Huns going through the Ardennes, mercilessly crushing the traitor Normans. Much to my surprise, they then annexed most of my vassals there! Then, to add insult to injury, the King of France bribed the Pope with some young, nubile altar boys and excommunicated me! Can you believe that shit?

The war in the north settled into some weird ass farce. I lack the resources to conquer the Lancaster and Northumbria, and they lack the resources to conquer me. I chase their people around, take a hostage or two, ransom them to keep my forces in the field a few months longer. Along the way, my third son begged me to release that fucking traitor my wife shit out a few decades back, and like a dumbass I listened to him. As soon as I let him out of prison, that ungrateful faggot revolted again and claimed my throne! This time, I wasn't waiting for his broke ass to scrape up 120 gold for bail. I threw his ass to the dogs as soon as I captured him.

..And I still have 5 years left in this game before I hit the 20 year limit. Holy fuck, this game is going to kick ass.

[chipwich]

This really is shaping up to be the flat-out best paradox game. The interface even doesn't make we want to chop my hand off for once!

[Ideologue]

As Cole Slaw of Poland, I don't think I should've married the 38 year old queen mother of Hungary.

[Martinus]

Is England strong enough to face France?

I imagine the problem is that England starts the game at war.

Are there other scenarios that come with the game?

1187 and 1337.

Isn't there also a second 1066 scenario which starts after William becomes the King?

[Ideologue]

WTF?  Game ended after 5 years when I was playing as that Tuscan woman, who immediately contracted consumption around the time she gave birth to a daughter.  FUN TIMES.  Anyway, I thought if you had agnatic whatever girls were OK.  I mean, somehow the Tuscan woman became the reigning duchess, didn't she?  The Holy Roman Empire is fucked up and bullshit.

[Martinus]

WTF?  Game ended after 5 years when I was playing as that Tuscan woman, who immediately contracted consumption around the time she gave birth to a daughter.  FUN TIMES.  Anyway, I thought if you had agnatic whatever girls were OK.  I mean, somehow the Tuscan woman became the reigning duchess, didn't she?  The Holy Roman Empire is fucked up and bullshit.

Did you choose a matrilineal marriage when your Duchess was marrying her husband? Otherwise the daughter was a part of her husband's dynasty and consequently you lost because your dynasty was no more (and yes the daughter did become the Duchess).

YUO = DUMB

[Tamas]

WTF?  Game ended after 5 years when I was playing as that Tuscan woman, who immediately contracted consumption around the time she gave birth to a daughter.  FUN TIMES.  Anyway, I thought if you had agnatic whatever girls were OK.  I mean, somehow the Tuscan woman became the reigning duchess, didn't she?  The Holy Roman Empire is fucked up and bullshit.

matrilinear marriage. That's what you need.

[Martinus]

WTF?  Game ended after 5 years when I was playing as that Tuscan woman, who immediately contracted consumption around the time she gave birth to a daughter.  FUN TIMES.  Anyway, I thought if you had agnatic whatever girls were OK.  I mean, somehow the Tuscan woman became the reigning duchess, didn't she?  The Holy Roman Empire is fucked up and bullshit.

matrilinear marriage. That's what you need.

I like his rage that underlines his ignorance. 

[Martinus]

Btw, an interesting question I just had - when your current character dies, do you play the member of your dynasty who gets the highest of your titles or is there any preference given to your children?

Let's assume you are the Holy Roman Emperor, the King of France and the Duke of Apulia. You have a brother and a daughter of your own dynasty. On your death the HRE crown goes to someone from outside of your dynasty, the crown of France goes to your brother and the ducal coronet of Apulia goes to your daughter. Do you play your brother or your daughter?

[Richard Hakluyt]

@Minsky - the mercenaries are half-price in the demo. I also experimented with lavishing money on a particular barony and the levy got a lot more impressive. Taken together, I think these factors will prevent the mercenaries being overpowered.

I don't know. I mean even if price were doubled.  As the Earl of Gwent, I paid 60 to get a force of 1100 to help me capture the Earldom of Glamorgan. Even if the price was 120 it still would have been worth it as Glamorgan and myself could only raise forces of 250.  Was trivially easy to assault all 3 holdings and then disband Mercs before the monthly price would have screwed me.

I tried a game without using the mercenaries (as Boleslaw) and had a much improved cashflow. OTOH I realised that there is a scale problem here. Boleslaw could raise a decent levy right from the start, investing in the demesne improved that levy quite quickly. But this would not be the same at all for a Welsh or Irish count (or similar), in a war between two of those guys victory would go to the first one to raise a mercenary hire fee.



Thinking of the real world, an offer of employment from someone like the King of Poland has got to be more attractive than one from the Earl of Gwent. Perhaps some sort of "employer credibility test" might be in order. eg if the normal revenues of an employer are less than half the maintenance fees of a mercenary company then the potential employer is turned down 

[Ideologue]

WTF?  Game ended after 5 years when I was playing as that Tuscan woman, who immediately contracted consumption around the time she gave birth to a daughter.  FUN TIMES.  Anyway, I thought if you had agnatic whatever girls were OK.  I mean, somehow the Tuscan woman became the reigning duchess, didn't she?  The Holy Roman Empire is fucked up and bullshit.

Did you choose a matrilineal marriage when your Duchess was marrying her husband? Otherwise the daughter was a part of her husband's dynasty and consequently you lost because your dynasty was no more (and yes the daughter did become the Duchess).

YUO = DUMB

Oops.

[Ideologue]

Where's the "fuck" button in this game?

[Martinus]

Where's the "fuck" button in this game?

I think the chance of birth is determined by how much the couple likes each other (if they hate each other, the ruler will sooner or later get a popup for an affair), and whether they have traits like chaste etc.

[Ideologue]