Polyamory: The Next Sexual Revolution

[KRonn]

This is really no surprise I guess...

[MadImmortalMan]

So here's the thing:

Men are wired genetically to mate with as many different partners as possible as often as possible. Spread the seeds. Women do not seem to be, though I don't think I'd go so far as to say they are wired for monogamy. In any case, far more so than men.

So, we've had this cultural construction of monogamous relationships that is totally against the behavior model men are programmed for in place for a dozen centuries. Frankly, I'm surprised it hasn't completely broken down long ago, but even so, this might just be another flash in the pan or exception to the rule that has existed all this time. If any of this actually does shift, why would it be a surprise to anyone?

[Caliga]

Agree.  That is why I affectionately refer to Christianity as a "bitch religion".

[saskganesh]

this sounds great  and was forseen in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, but imo it would take a lot of personal work just to avoid stupid little dramas and jealousies and not being sucked in by other people's problems. and so on.

as I start to enter my Viagra years, I suspect this is really more of a young person's thing. thus, Tim should do some field work. It would do him good.

[crazy canuck]

So here's the thing:

Men are wired genetically to mate with as many different partners as possible as often as possible.

I keep hearing that.  That was true before I got married but somehow my wiring altered after becoming married so that it seems I am wired to mate as often as possible with only one partner.

[ulmont]

this sounds great  and was forseen in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, but imo it would take a lot of personal work just to avoid stupid little dramas and jealousies and not being sucked in by other people's problems. and so on.

Yeah.  Too much effort.

[Sheilbh]

Men are wired genetically to mate with as many different partners as possible as often as possible. Spread the seeds. Women do not seem to be, though I don't think I'd go so far as to say they are wired for monogamy. In any case, far more so than men.

Actually women are too.  A lot of stuff to do with babies is believed to have evolved so that women could choose the best possible mate at any point.  Men are designed to spread the seed as it were, women are designed to always try and choose the best possible option.  Neither's intrinsically monogamous.

[crazy canuck]

this sounds great  and was forseen in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, but imo it would take a lot of personal work just to avoid stupid little dramas and jealousies and not being sucked in by other people's problems. and so on.

Yeah.  Too much effort.

The first time I backpacked through Europe it seemed I had a "meaningful" encounter at pretty much every stop.  After a while, even at that age, it all got a bit much and I took a break from the chase.

I am not so sure about the premise that men are wired to have sex as often as possible with as many as possible.  I think it is a bit more complex then that.

[PDH]

The belief that such complex behaviors as mating and mate selection are simply hardwired is a bit...simplistic.

[Malthus]

So here's the thing:

Men are wired genetically to mate with as many different partners as possible as often as possible.

I keep hearing that.  That was true before I got married but somehow my wiring altered after becoming married so that it seems I am wired to mate as often as possible with only one partner.

You keep hearing it, but there is no evidence that it is true. Certainly what strikes the anthropologist studying human cultures across the world is the great variety of social relationships - the most common of which, from hunter-gatherers to modern first worlders, being the "nuclear family".

If guys were hardwired to have as much sex as possible, you would predict a rather different situation.

What does seem the case is that young folk are predisposed to travel widely and sample freely, to the extent that they are capable or allowed to do - see the Australian aborigine and the "walkabout", and see the modern backpacker wandering across Europe (or going to university).  Seems to affect both men *and* women.

To my mind, little of this (aside from the urge to mate itself) is "hardwired", and if it were obseved human behaviour would be rather different.

[Sheilbh]

The belief that such complex behaviors as mating and mate selection are simply hardwired is a bit...simplistic.

This is true.  But I believe that biologists think that certain things have been made biologically evolved to enable certain sexual behaviour.

[alfred russel]

So here's the thing:

Men are wired genetically to mate with as many different partners as possible as often as possible.

I keep hearing that.  That was true before I got married but somehow my wiring altered after becoming married so that it seems I am wired to mate as often as possible with only one partner.

There is an evolutionary concept called "docility" which is apparently somewhat unique to humans: unlike other animal groups that live in specific types of arrangements, some human group somewhere has lived in virtually every type arrangement imaginable. The idea behind it is that humans haven't kept the hardwiring of other species, but have instead evolved docility, which is the concept we will accept what society has adopted. Hence a young man might do such evolutionary foolish things as committing ritual suicide to preserve honor, or joining a monastary, or remaining faithful to his wife in a distant city, while monkeys don't seem prone to such behaviors.

[Valmy]

Men are wired genetically to mate with as many different partners as possible as often as possible. Spread the seeds. Women do not seem to be, though I don't think I'd go so far as to say they are wired for monogamy. In any case, far more so than men.

The men in my family are not.  We have had ridiculous nesting instincts for generations.  I am not really sure why that is but I certainly never even had the slightest desire to 'spread my seed' around.  Logically I should I suppose.

[swallow]

I thought this looked like it all worked oK, until I saw this

Larry and Terisa married last year—with Scott's permission—in part for tax purposes. Larry owns the house they all live in, and Scott pays rent.

and read further back that Larry was dating Matt's wife.  I think Larry is doing rather well out of this

[crazy canuck]

There is an evolutionary concept called "docility" which is apparently somewhat unique to humans: unlike other animal groups that live in specific types of arrangements, some human group somewhere has lived in virtually every type arrangement imaginable. The idea behind it is that humans haven't kept the hardwiring of other species, but have instead evolved docility, which is the concept we will accept what society has adopted. Hence a young man might do such evolutionary foolish things as committing ritual suicide to preserve honor, or joining a monastary, or remaining faithful to his wife in a distant city, while monkeys don't seem prone to such behaviors.

That seems more reasonable.