The Off Topic Topic

[Zanza]

The European Union has finally allowed using all mobile devices with full network capabilities in aircraft even during take off and landing. Sanity prevails after decades.

[CountDeMoney]

but some dude is going to be made very happy by her.

No, she won't.  She will meet some guy that will never appreciate her, because that's what they do.

I still feel bad because I know I disappointed her with my disinterest. I would have chatted all day but I'm a married man and she was clearly interested in more than my book.

Dummy.

Mom told my wife when we got home that I was a good boy. 

STFU, Mom.  I never poked my nose into yours and Dad's bullshit cover story of a marriage, did I?

I still feel like a meanie.

As well you should.  But people throw away winning lottery tickets all the time.

[Ideologue]

So I may have met a unicorn.



I took my mother to the DMV. She got in line and whatever and I settled in for a wait. I had my kindle and started to read. One of the most beautiful women I have ever seen sat down next to me. I was in an empty row. She deliberately sat immediately next to me and asked me what I was reading. I said the Mongoliad, but I just started it so I wasn't sure how good it was yet but I liked it so far. She said she was a bit of a history nerd and was interested. Now, if a girl tells you she's a history nerd what do you expect?
Maybe she was lying. Then she tells me about some stuff I won't go into but I'm convinced she's not playing me. Not really my type. More like she might do internet porn body. Boobs very big. Judging by the slimness of her waist I assumed they were fake. Not that I care.

Anyway, she starts talking about history and the Mongolian invasions and whatnot. She mentioned liking Steven Pressfield. My mom eventually came and took me away but hot girl kept finding reasons to come talk to me. I don't know this chick's name, but some dude is going to be made very happy by her. I still feel bad because I know I disappointed her with my disinterest. I would have chatted all day but I'm a married man and she was clearly interested in more than my book.

Mom told my wife when we got home that I was a good boy. 

I still feel like a meanie.

Yeah, this is just the kind of thing that happens when you're MIM.

[Ideologue]

but some dude is going to be made very happy by her.

No, she won't.  She will meet some guy that will never appreciate her, because that's what they do.

Naturally.  If you're banging someone who appreciates you, who really loves you for you, it means you could do better.

[Sheilbh]

UKIP now have two MPs, both Tory defectors who (and this'll go down very well) are stepping down to fight a by-election

Rumour is they've got a third one lined up, probably to announce the day after Cameron's speech at the Tory party conference.

[Syt]

News from Austria's basements!

Uli Seidl has released a new documentary, and a scene is causing a bit of a Führer furor. He interviews a guy in a small town in Burgenland who has a large basement where he goes to play his brass instruments.

Also, he has a large collection of Nazi memorabilia. And boasts that he prefers vacationing near Obersalzberg in the footsteps of Hitler. He has a few buddies coming over for drinks and making music every now and then:



It turns out now that tow of those were council members for the conservative ÖVP in town (they had to resign in the meantime). They now claim that this was just for show, and not real, and that they were paid extras, and of course all this Nazi stuff is EVYL! (The owner of the basement has said that he can do whatever he likes in his basement.)

Seidl claims that they got a small payment for their invested time which is common for people appearing in documentaries, but that he didn't direct them in any way.

[CountDeMoney]

but some dude is going to be made very happy by her.

No, she won't.  She will meet some guy that will never appreciate her, because that's what they do.

Naturally.  If you're banging someone who appreciates you, who really loves you for you, it means you could do better.

Link, plz

[Zanza]

18 Weird German Words You Won't Believe Exist



1. Ohrwurm (Ear worm)

Have you ever listened to a song on the radio while driving to work only to find yourself still humming the same tune by lunch time? Congratulations, you've had an ear worm. The beautiful German word Ohrwurm describes the fact of having a song stuck in your head as if it wriggled itself into your brain through your ear.

2. Fernweh (Distance pain)

This gem describes the feeling of wanting to be somewhere else. It's kind of like a reverse homesickness (Heimweh in German), a longing for a place that isn't where you are right now. Fernweh is also a frequent reason for people in Germany to go on holiday. 

3. Kummerspeck (Grief bacon)

When a relationship ends or during other times of sadness, anger, or worry, it's common to put on a few pounds of Kummerspeck. What it means is the excess weight put on by emotional overeating. So when you find yourself on the couch watching "Bridget Jones' Diary" with a tub of ice cream, you are in fact feeding your grief bacon.

4. Innerer Schweinehund (Inner pig dog)

Can't get up in the morning to be on time for work? Too lazy to go to the gym? Homework remains undone until the last minute? Don't worry, it's not your fault. The blame lies with your inner pig dog. That's the tiny voice in the back of your head which is trying to convince you to live a life of inertia and which you will have to overcome to rid yourself of Kummerspeck.

5. Fremdschämen (Exterior shame)

For those of you who cringe in phantom pain when others make a fool of themselves, this is your word. It describes the feeling of shame when seeing someone else in an uncomfortable or embarrassing situation. It's a real thing for the more empathetic folk and has kept more than one person from watching "the Office."

6. Torschlusspanik (Closing-gate panic)

As people get older, some find themselves worrying about roads not taken or milestones they meant to achieve by a certain age but haven't. Torschlusspanik is the feeling of urgency to accomplish them before some imaginary gate closes and "it's all too late." It's mostly used for those who sense their biological clock is running out and feel the need to settle with a partner or have children immediately.

7. Treppenwitz (Staircase joke)

Have you ever noticed how when you have a chance encounter with an attractive person of the opposite sex or get into an argument with someone, the best jokes, lines, and comebacks always occur to you afterwards? That's the so-called Treppenwitz. It's the joke that comes to your mind on the way down the stairs after talking to your neighbor in the hallway two floors up.   

8. Lebensmüde (Life tired)

This word literally means being tired of life and was used to describe the dramatic and soul-crushing emotional agony of young Romantic poets (see also Weltschmerz and Weichei). Nowadays lebensmüde is what you call your friends when they are attempting something especially stupid and possibly life threatening. Most people in fail videos on YouTube suffer from latent Lebensmüdigkeit.

9. Weltschmerz (World pain)

The world isn't perfect. More often than not it fails to live up to what we wish it was. Weltschmerz describes the pain we feel at this discrepancy. It can be one of the main drivers for Kummerspeck.

10. Weichei (Soft egg)

No, Weichei isn't what you order in the hotel when you want a three-minute egg for breakfast. In fact the waiter might look at you slightly disconcerted for accusing him of being a wuss. A soft egg, in German, means someone who is weak and cowardly. The same is also conveyed by calling someone Würstchen, the diminutive of sausage. Apparently Germans like to name wimps after foodstuffs.

11. Backpfeifengesicht (Slap face)

Have you ever heard the joke "Some people just need a high five – in the face – with a chair?" Backpfeifengesicht kind of goes in the same direction. It describes someone who you feel needs a slap in the face. Disclaimer: we're telling you this for informational purposes only and do not in any way condone violence. 

12. Erklärungsnot (Explanation poverty)

Erklärungsnot is a state shared by cheating spouses, lying politicians, and school children without their homework alike. It's what you find yourself in when put on the spot without a sufficient explanation or excuse for something you have done or failed to do. Most often used in the form of in Erklärungsnot geraten or in Erklärungsnot sein.

13. Sitzfleisch (Sit or seat meat)

As much as it sounds like it, Sitzfleisch isn't a recipe of German Hausfrauen that involves tenderizing meat by placing it under your buttocks. Instead, it describes a character trait. Those who possess a lot of seat meat are able to sit through and weather something incredibly hard or boring. It's like carrying your own personal cushion around with you.

14. Purzelbaum (Tumble tree)

This tree is so common in Germany that every child knows it. However, if you are about to take out your big German botanical dictionary, let me stop you right there. Fespite the name, a Purzelbaum isn't part of the kingdom of plants. Instead, it describes a somersault on the ground, a favorite way of children to get their clothes dirty.

15. Dreikäsehoch (Three cheeses high)

This sounds like it would make a great name for a pizza. However, what it describes is a person who is vertically challenged, implying they're only as tall as three wheels of cheese placed on top of each other. Usually this label is reserved for small children, together with Zwerg or Pimpf.

16. Zungenbrecher (Tongue breaker)

While it sounds like a medieval torture instrument, the nature of the Zungenbrecher is much less gruesome. It is the German equivalent of tongue twister, a phrase that's very hard to pronounce even for native speakers due to its sequence of letters. A very common one in German is Blaukraut bleibt Blaukraut und Brautkleid bleibt Brautkleid. Yeah, practice that for a while and say it 10 times fast.

17. Schattenparker (Shadow parker)

This word is part of a series of insults for men which accuse them of unmanly behavior. In this case, of parking their car in the shadow to avoid heating up the interior. These kinds of derogatory terms were something of a meme some years back and whole lists of them exist on the internet. Alternatives include Warmduscher (someone who showers with warm water), Sitzpinkler (a man who urinates while sitting down), or Turnbeutelvergesser (someone who used to forget their gym bag in cardio class).

18. Kuddelmuddel (???)

I know, great final word right? Don't even start guessing its English meaning. Kuddelmuddel describes an unstructured mess, chaos, or hodgepodge. Alternatives which are equally awesome include Tohuwabohu, Wirrwarr, Mischmasch, and Kladderadatsch. I know, some of these just sound too far-fetched to be true. Well, they are far-fetched – gathered in the distant land of Germany. If you're still convinced I'm making up words, go ahead and look them up in the dictionary!

[Syt]

I think Treppenwitz comes from French esprit de l'escalier.

[Sheilbh]

(The owner of the basement has said that he can do whatever he likes in his basement.)

An alarmingly common Austrian misconception.

[The Larch]

What's wrong about parking in the shade?

[CountDeMoney]

What's wrong about parking in the shade?

Birds.

[The Larch]

What's wrong about parking in the shade?

Birds.

There are more things that throw shade than trees. 

[The Brain]

What's wrong about parking in the shade?

Birds.

There are more things that throw shade than trees. 

Yeah, caramel fags.

[Iormlund]

(The owner of the basement has said that he can do whatever he likes in his basement.)

An alarmingly common Austrian misconception.