Valmy's ADHD Dragon Age playthrough

[viper37]

and started a bitterness that eventually led to conflict and the end of the Dales. Huh. That part tends to be left out by the Dalish.

did you do a mission, in a Temple, where you learnt more about that part of history?  I just can't remember...  I think it was the elven temple near a dragon, in the Emerald forest, I think.

[Valmy]

and started a bitterness that eventually led to conflict and the end of the Dales. Huh. That part tends to be left out by the Dalish.

did you do a mission, in a Temple, where you learnt more about that part of history?  I just can't remember...  I think it was the elven temple near a dragon, in the Emerald forest, I think.

Of course. But none of them mentioned the betrayal of Ameridan...or anything about Ameridan.

[viper37]

and started a bitterness that eventually led to conflict and the end of the Dales. Huh. That part tends to be left out by the Dalish.

did you do a mission, in a Temple, where you learnt more about that part of history?  I just can't remember...  I think it was the elven temple near a dragon, in the Emerald forest, I think.

Of course. But none of them mentioned the betrayal of Ameridan...or anything about Ameridan.

oh no, but there was more tidbits on how the war eventually started.

[Valmy]

oh no, but there was more tidbits on how the war eventually started.

Yep. I discussed that in the relevant section

And it is the Emerald Graves btw

[viper37]

oh no, but there was more tidbits on how the war eventually started.

Yep. I discussed that in the relevant section

And it is the Emerald Graves btw

Sorry, I'm playing Witcher 3, I kinda forgot about everything EA

[Valmy]

Ok back to Inquisitioning. My ultimate goal is to finish my AAR before Jesse Cox from the Co-Optional Podcast finishes his Let's Play

VERY TEMPORARY EARTHQUAKE BUSINESS PART THE FIRST

So to handle this very minor earthquake business Lothar arrives at the Storm Coast ready to make a Descent^TM.



'Hey you said it will be finished by the time I got here!'

So hard to get good help these days. But man this lift is crazy long. I mean it is an engineering feat for the ages. So I guess I can forgive them.



'Man I would have hated to have been the first person they sent down here.'

My group is Vivienne, Rainier (maybe his Grey Warden fanboying taught him a thing or two about the Deep Roads), and Varric (because he is a dwarf and I take a perverse pleasure dragging him down to the Deep Roads). At the end of their long Descent^TM they meet Shaper Valta, a honest to Hod Orzammar Dwarf. She had to wait for us as deep as she could because the evil yellow face burns her precious.



'Wow so what about those guys Orzammar had standing outside guarding the entrance to Orzammar?'

Not to mention that poor army Bhelen sent to help Lorcan end the Fifth Blight. And weren't there Orzammar dwarves at the Winter Palace? Ah well let's not let consistency get in the way of the melodrama!



'Yeah no offense Varric, I love you and all, but I sure hope in the next game we get actual Orzammar dwarves as joinable NPCs again.'

Lothar is there to save the day.



'Or at least four of us do. Though, granted, that includes the leader and the only guy who can save the world.'

Yeah if Lothar dies down there everybody is doomed. Brilliant use of resources. And the a major earthquake brings the roof down and Valta quickly throws Lothar out of the way.



'The only thing more fun than exploring the Deep Roads: exploring the Deep Roads while it is being ripped apart by earthquakes.'

Anyway the Earthquakes are breaking the seals the dwarves use to block the Darkspawn so Lothar has to go help them close the breach. On the way it seems one stealthy Darkspawn squeezed through the Dwarf cordon to attempt to slow Lothar and company's approach.



'Oh for...dwarf security blows.'

Yes a massive Ogre Alpha. Notice everything is level 27 now, which is the max level. And at ths point everything has has massive hit points and hits like a sledgehammer. Which makes for really really long fights. It is not as exciting as it sounds. Remember when my eyes glazed over at those dragons with 300K+ Hps? Well...



So...yeah.

After taking care of big ugly they rush in to see the Legion of the Dead trying to fight back the Darkspawn horde. Lothar, with remarkable timing, arrives just as the Darkspawn are pouring through in massive numbers and a giant battle begins.



And here we go. So yeah you have to keep fighting the Darkspawn until the Legion of the Dead can prime the charges and they can blow the tunnel.



'Yeah! Clear them out! Um...huh...we have been fighting awhile and that 'Darkspawn Slain' meter hasn't moved much...'

But the battle raged on...and on...and on...



'Left click finger...so...tired...'

But eventually the Darkspawn horde is beaten back. The charges are set and everybody runs for cover.



'Tough guys never look at explosions'

That should hold them back until the seal can be restored. The Inquisition sets up its Deep Roads HQ right there I guess to keep an eye on the tunnel. Valta introduces Lothar to the most badass dwarf this side of Kardol...well actually it is like another Kardol.



'Wow...you're old.'

Yeah so he is the badass gruff dwarf we all know and love. He sold himself to the Legion of the Dead in order to maintain his family's caste so even a proper Orzammar story.

Speaking of wacky Orzammar stuff the stone is singing with these earthquakers, another one almost immediately occurs. Man so glad it did not let the Darkspawn



'This is the rhythm in the tremors...the tremors, oh yeah'

But the plot thickens. Last year the two of them found an ancient text. Its age means all of it is true.



'Well I know what we are going to find at the bottom of this dungeon.'

And of course there is a coverup!!!...maybe.



'The earthquakes are an inside job!'

Or...not. Maybe they are just so ancient nobody remembers them. Who knows? Lothar points out that chasing after singing in the Deep Roads is not a totally original idea.



'I mean...just saying.'

But frankly most adventures in the DAI DLC are basically suicide missions anyway.



'But then they would have had to hire another voice actor!'

Nice to see evil King Bhelen listens to advice. He must be getting soft in his old age.

Well fortunately the lift down to the Lyrium mine has not been damaged too much so Lothar begins his DESCENT^TM into the depths of Thedas.



'Oh great Valta. Now we are going to be facing 40 Emissaries backed up by a dozen Titans.'

[Jaron]

More!

[viper37]

The Titans are the least of your problem.

[Grallon]

Your character is rather cute Valmy - but why is the image quality so meh?  There's nothing like a trip in the Deep Roads to remind you what Dragon Age is all about.  I can't wait for DA4!!



G.

[Valmy]

Your character is rather cute Valmy - but why is the image quality so meh?  There's nothing like a trip in the Deep Roads to remind you what Dragon Age is all about.  I can't wait for DA4!!



G.

Thanks I spend a ridiculous amount of time trying to get my characters not look like inbred freaks. It was almost impossible in DA:O.

I don't know why my image quality is so bad. I have everything turned up to ultra, but I think my video card is having issues. I built this machine myself so it gets wonky.

I hope they get DA4 out sooner than they have been getting Mass Effect Andromeda out. I am a bit nervous now that David Gaider has left but maybe some fresh eyes will do the series some good.

[Valmy]

VERY TEMPORARY EARTHQUAKE BUSINESS PART THE SECOND

Hurrah! Our favorite Darkspawns are back!



'and it belongs in a museum!'

Nicely played Bioware. I mean one criticism have had of this series is the pitiful lack of monster variety so was it too much to ask for every kind of Darkspawn to be included in every game? Was it? Well I guess so but welcome back Shrieks!

But you know what this game needed? New and exciting kinds of collections. Yes. Because all through Dragon Age Origins and Dragon Age II was thinking 'damn I wish I could collect random shit for no reason'. At least they are really innovative about it. Instead of bottles of booze that serve no purpose beyond being displayed on a shelf we have...



dwarf mugs that serve no purpose beyond being displayed on a shelf we have. At least Lothar and company have something to drink their dwarf coffee in in the morning.

And instead of tediously looking for shards to open doors we have...



gears to open doors. So totally different.

Somebody really has to talk to Bioware about their side quests. But of course I collected them all because...damn I have problems. Serious completionist issues.

Oh and we have emissaries!



But wait it used to be that all varieties of Darkspawn could be emissaries, or at least the Genlocks and Hurlocks could, but now it looks like they are all Hurlocks. Or a totally different thing. Oh well at least we got them.

So anyway this first level of this DESCENT^TM is oddly retro. Like rooms connected by hallways with puzzles. And the triumphant return of the tower puzzle!



'I am channeling Revan and Commander Shepard to do this puzzle'

Which I found kind of hilarious since this puzzle was made fun of by those Orlesian nobles back in the Winter Palace.



'Somebody never taught the guys who made the Gates of Segrummar about the evils of the passive voice.'

Ok who or what or where is Segrummar? I can find no reference to it. Did somebody named Segrummar build these gates? Is this place called Segrummar? No clue. I carefully read all the little messages on the gates and they seem to be just rambling about 'creators' which suggests they are about the Titans which would mean these gates are thousands of years old but that is ridiculous. I don't know. In the end they are just dwarf versions of the shard gates.

Alright so Lothar opened a few of the gates...



'Ah an ancient vault not opened since the time of the Titans...wait 'Revenant'?'



'Only 200K HPs? What a wimp."

Ok not really but I should say again that the fights at max level are not really hard just tedious. But it did exhaust their stuff so they returned to the base nestled happily beside the wall an army of Darkspawn are trying to break down.



'MORE BOOZE! I swear this is the most intoxicated religious organization in Thedas.'

So yeah we get war table missions but they are called 'exhibition table' missions I guess just so Leliana, Cullen, and Josephine can be involved. We want everybody to feel included.

Back down to the Deep Roads.

It seems Lothar's reputation proceeds him:



'A Dragon?...oh wow...don't get me started.'

After awhile they reach the end of the passages and come out into a GIANT cavern. Like so big I am not sure how the earth does not collapse on itself big.



'I am going to say yes. I just have a feeling.'

So this is a really ancient lost Thaig where the dwarves seem to have been driven out by demons sometime before the First Blight. It was mentioned in Dragon Age II as being a place with terrible Rock Wraiths...but I guess they were all gone by the time Lothar and company got there. Now the place is full of Darkspawn.

Which makes building a huge bridge over a giant chasm where the bottom is not yet explored all the more impressive.



'Man they have some crazy suicidal workers and amazingly gifted engineers.'

Yeah so that is crazy. There were...um...I don't know a few knick knacks and gears over there.
But there was this thing.



'All praise to the Nug King! Cheese for the cheese god!'

Yeah aparantly you can actually meet the Nug King but Lothar and I missed it somehow. Damn my completionist heart weeps. I explored every inch of this place obsessively I have no idea how I missed it.

Anyway so then Lothar moved on to the lower section and this is where this area gets kind of unusual. See you are highly encouraged to just throw yourself off ledges into the darkness to find other ledges that take you places.

I mean sure if anything happens to the Inquisitor the world is doomed but alright lets toss ourselves randomly into the Deep Roads.



'Let's just toss ourselves off...what could go wrong?'

It is leadership like this that has gotten the Inquisition to where it is today.

So as they delve deeper the Darkspawn get thicker and demons join the fray. Nasty place. There are also more of those 'Gates of Segrummar' with puzzling cryptic messages. They break into vaults not open for ages to find...perfectly alive and functional Darkspawn? Can they just sit in one place without food or anything for centuries at a time? Huh.

I think one vault lampshaded this:



'Spoiler alert: everything is eerily well preserved.'

So either they are making fun of their own silly vaults or hinting that they have some kind of magical preservation qualities. Either one seems lame.

And we keep plunging into darkness to get more loot.



'Overruled! This is a theological dictatorship Varric not a democracy!'

After an absurdly long period of time finding all the loot and killing tons of mobs with absurd hit points that do absurd damage they find the main Darkspawn nest...which is weird I did not know they had nests. And it is a giant cavern that is on fire for some reason. And more endless waves of Darkspawn.



'So endless waves of Darkspawn we meet again!'

And the bosses are all alphas. The final boss in an emissary alpha which, again, I am not sure how I feel about emissaries being reclassified as a kind of Darkspawn instead of a variety of existing Darkspawn but hey they already radically changed Genlocks so no big deal I guess.



'But don't worry he has plenty of Hit Points. Oh yes. Click finger so very tired.'

At that point we set up camp past the nest. The Darkspawn appear to be mostly cleared so who knows what could be lurking down below. There is, of course, a working mine lift that has not been used in centuries. Man all those earthquakes over all that time...

But get this the Memories in Orzammar say the mine was long destroyed. Yet it is still here because...CONSPIRACY. Anyway the text that Valta said proved the existance of the Titans was written by a Dwarf Paragon and referred to...I think the 'stone song' that leads dwarves to Lyrium was considered the song of the Titans. So they created the Lyrium? Or they ARE the lyrium or...oh who knows. But it seems evil King Bhelen wanted the Shaperate to remove some politically embarrasing information about a bud of the King. This seems to prove to Valta that there was a massive cover-up of the Titans.



'The Truth is Down Here'

Why? What could possibly be so damaging about giant Dwarf gods being underground? Maybe the Darkspawn and all that? I don't know.

But first Lothar has that sinking feeling every last doo-dad in this place has not been claimed yet so a few more table missions build a few more bridges so they can get yet more stuff. Wait weren't we down here to save Thedas from something...eh it can wait until all the quests are done.



'Well you have to admit this is impressive.'

I have no idea who this Heidrun was but he or she was a Paragon so must have done something cool like invent green ale or something.

Ok so finally all the gears are found and all the vaults opened and all the mugs found and so forth.

So now they get on a lift not used in centuries and make a DESCENT^TM into darkness and the unknown.



'Man we are some suicidally crazy motherfuckers.'

At the bottom they get attacked by crazy ass dwarves who glow blue like Lyrium. They are called the 'Shy-Brytol'. How Lothar knows this he had no idea. They have some truly ridiculous long range guys called 'Shy-Brytol Bolter' who seem to be equipped with sub-machine guns. Or at least super dangerous versions of Bianca/Duke Prosper's automatic crossbow. They ambush and murder Renn before Lothar and company can dispatch them. Holy shit these guys make for long and tedious fights.

I will miss Renn. I know I did not mention him much in this AAR but he was a badass Orzammar grumpy kind of dwarf we have never actually seen much of as a companion...well besides Sigrun in Awakenings. Though he was really just a NPC who followed them around and fought like Urien and Loghain did back in the Adamant Fortress/Fade part.



'Rest in peace old Sod'

And onwards into the unknown!

[Jaron]

RiP Renn

[viper37]

I am a bit nervous now that David Gaider has left but maybe some fresh eyes will do the series some good.

Less LGBT romance stuff, more action

[Valmy]

I am a bit nervous now that David Gaider has left but maybe some fresh eyes will do the series some good.

Less LGBT romance stuff, more action

Pfft. Yeah right. Bioware is pretty much obligated to do LGBT stuff from now on. It is part of their brand and stuff.

Gaider was a pretty good and creative writer and he gave Dragon Age a kind of campy sarcastic tone that will be missed. But hey maybe the next guy is better, it is not like Gaider was some kind of genius.

[Valmy]

RiP Renn

We hardly knew ye.