Question about law--specifically British law

[Jacob]

Yeah, you left out the ending of your story, BB. What happened?

[garbon]

I privately prosecuted someone while in law school.   

I was lured out of my house by someone claiming car trouble.  I was then jumped by several people and tied up.  They let me go after a couple of minutes.  I reported it to police the next day, but they wouldn't even take a statement since I was living in a frat house, and the people who jumped me were in another fraternity.  People in my fraternity wanted to do something equally stupid in return, but I said "no, let me handle this my way" and filed a private prosecution.

Sounds like the plot to one of garbon's porn tapes.  At least that's what I read on the back of the box. Canuck Frat Fucks, Vol VII: Private Prosecution

So many questions...

1) Why would I own a physical porn tape?
2) Why do you think I would be interested in fraternity porn?
3) Why do you think I would be interested in bondage?
4) Why you all up on my porn viewing habits?

I think that's it for now.

[garbon]

Yeah, you left out the ending of your story, BB. What happened?

I assumed he did that to be a tease.

[Barrister]

Yeah, you left out the ending of your story, BB. What happened?

I assumed he did that to be a tease.

I could only recognize 2 of the eight fellows, so I filed my prosecution against those two.  I had to go in front of a justice of the peace to tell my story, and he agreed that certainly constituted assault.  So process was filed.  The two fellows started freaking out worrying about what a criminal record would do to their futures, and got fraternity alumni lawyers to assist.  I pretty quickly though offered that I would drop the charge in exchange for a written apology and for them to enter into a peace bond, a form of restraining order where they promised to stay away from me.  They accepted, and that was that.  It was still a very satisfying conclusion from my perspective.

[Malthus]

I privately prosecuted someone while in law school.   

I was lured out of my house by someone claiming car trouble.  I was then jumped by several people and tied up.  They let me go after a couple of minutes.  I reported it to police the next day, but they wouldn't even take a statement since I was living in a frat house, and the people who jumped me were in another fraternity.  People in my fraternity wanted to do something equally stupid in return, but I said "no, let me handle this my way" and filed a private prosecution.

Sounds like the plot to one of garbon's porn tapes.  At least that's what I read on the back of the box. Canuck Frat Fucks, Vol VII: Private Prosecution

So many questions...

1) Why would I own a physical porn tape?
2) Why do you think I would be interested in fraternity porn?
3) Why do you think I would be interested in bondage?
4) Why you all up on my porn viewing habits?

I think that's it for now.

The more interesting question is how he got ahold of one of your tapes to read the back of the box. 

[The Brain]

Are you not interested in bondage?

[grumbler]

I believe that British law (though perhaps not its Canadian cousin) allows for "private prosecutions" of criminal cases.  Google that and see what you find.

There is no such thing as "British law".

Thank you, Mr. Anal-rentientive Assburger.  I'm sure absolutely no one knew what I meant until you intervened.

[Jacob]

Yeah I know, right? Making a big deal about minor semantic quibbles is pretty crap.

[Malthus]

Are you not interested in bondage?

Only in stockage.

[grumbler]

Yeah I know, right? Making a big deal about minor semantic quibbles is pretty crap.

Exactly.  That's why I don't quibble semantics or typos.

[garbon]

I privately prosecuted someone while in law school.   

I was lured out of my house by someone claiming car trouble.  I was then jumped by several people and tied up.  They let me go after a couple of minutes.  I reported it to police the next day, but they wouldn't even take a statement since I was living in a frat house, and the people who jumped me were in another fraternity.  People in my fraternity wanted to do something equally stupid in return, but I said "no, let me handle this my way" and filed a private prosecution.

Sounds like the plot to one of garbon's porn tapes.  At least that's what I read on the back of the box. Canuck Frat Fucks, Vol VII: Private Prosecution

So many questions...

1) Why would I own a physical porn tape?
2) Why do you think I would be interested in fraternity porn?
3) Why do you think I would be interested in bondage?
4) Why you all up on my porn viewing habits?

I think that's it for now.

The more interesting question is how he got ahold of one of your tapes to read the back of the box. 

Oh he's up in my apartment on the regular.

edit: I noticed I left out 5) Canadian porn, really?

[CountDeMoney]

Yeah I know, right? Making a big deal about minor semantic quibbles is pretty crap.

Exactly.  That's why I don't quibble semantics or typos.

Because...there's nothing minor about semantics or typos!

[grumbler]

Yeah I know, right? Making a big deal about minor semantic quibbles is pretty crap.

Exactly.  That's why I don't quibble semantics or typos.

Because...there's nothing minor about semantics or typos!

If you insist.  Diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks.

[Martinus]

Yeah I know, right? Making a big deal about minor semantic quibbles is pretty crap.

It's too funny, isn't it?

[Capetan Mihali]

but I said "no, let me handle this my way" and filed a private prosecution.