Great Royal Scandals: the Lady Frances Howard

[Malthus]

Just read about a Stewart Scandal I had not heard of before - namely, the various trials of the Lady Frances Howard, Countess of Somerset.

This one has it all: exposed genitals, Satanism, poisioning, sex both straight and gay, and finally - death by sulfuric acid enema! 

To cut a very long story short - the lady in question was originally married to the Earl of Essex (when they were both young teens). He was sent to the continent, where he got good and poxed. She fell in love with the King's favourite pretty boy (and reputed boy-toy), Robert Carr, Earl of Somerset. So when the Earl of Essex came home, she wanted nothing to do with him. She alleged he was impotent, and asked for an annulment - which lead to her genitals being solemly examined by a panel of experts. For "modesty", she was veiled during this procedure (allegations arose that she slipped in a 'body double').

It was of course a huge scandal and humilation for Essex to be publicly declared impotent, so he fought it; however, the King could refuse his favorite nothing (and apparently, he was not jealous of him having a wife). So the annulment was granted.

Now, there was one guy who disliked this, aside from poor Essex: as it turns out, Somerset was part of a dynamic duo - he was the "beauty", but the "brains" behind his rise at court was his buddy, Thomas Overbury. Overbury fed Somerset his lines as to what opinions to have, etc. Thomas (for whatever reason - jealousy?) just hated Frances, and loudly and publicly attempted to get his buddy to stop the marriage.

The King disliked Overbury, disliked his influence over his favorite, and so was willing to help poor Frances out. The two of them cooked up a trap: the King offered Overbury an ambassadorship - in Moscow (butt end of nowhere). He refused, and was promptly thrown in the Tower.

However, he retaliated against Frances by publishing a nasty poem entitled "The Wife", which (in verse) pointedly praised the attributes of female meekness that Frances so conspicuously lacked.

Her vengence was epic ... she arranged to have her creatures appointed to the management of his prision, and started poisioning him. This didn't work - Rasputin-like, he refused to die. So, allegedly, she had him killed with a sulfuric acid enema (!). I can't immediately think of a worse way to go, than a sulfuric acid enema.

Meanwhile, she got married to pretty boy Somerset, and all was well - for a couple of years. Then, it all came out (apparently, the apothicary spilled the beans). Leading to a *sensational* trial, complete with witches she had hired, allegations of bizzare sex, etc. - one of the judges was Sir Francis Bacon, he of the scientific method fame - The King was of course in part involved  ... just how much, the whole country wondered ... and who should be on the jury trying Frances (and Somerset) but her "impotent ex husband" Essex! 

In the event, she pled guilty, did a stint in the Tower (together with her husband), and was forgiven by the King ... her alleged accomplices were not so lucky: they were executed.

http://hauntedpalaceblog.wordpress.com/2014/02/09/lady-frances-howard-magic-murder-and-mysogeny-at-the-court-of-james-i/

They just don't make royal scandals like that any more. 

[CountDeMoney]

I can't immediately think of a worse way to go, than a sulfuric acid enema.

Two sulfuric acid enemas?


Here ya go, Dr. Malthus--
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3595367

[Malthus]

I can't immediately think of a worse way to go, than a sulfuric acid enema.

Two sulfuric acid enemas?


Here ya go, Dr. Malthus--
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3595367

I'm not sure which is worse - reading the description of the injuries, or the fact that it was "self administered". 

[KRonn]

Wow, what an amusing story. The Royals could use some similar scandals these days, eh? That would really spice things up! 

[CountDeMoney]

I'm not sure which is worse - reading the description of the injuries, or the fact that it was "self administered". 

In his defense, it was classified under "Suicide--Attempted".

[Caliga]

Check your privilege, Malthus.

[Martinus]

Wow, what an amusing story. The Royals could use some similar scandals these days, eh? That would really spice things up!

The best our royals can do is to be caught in various state of dress (vide Prince Harry dressed as a nazi) or undress (vide supra).

It seems in all but three centuries, our scandals went all the way from satanic to sartorial.

[Malthus]

Wow, what an amusing story. The Royals could use some similar scandals these days, eh? That would really spice things up!

The best our royals can do is to be caught in various state of dress (vide Prince Harry dressed as a nazi) or undress (vide supra).

It seems in all but three centuries, our scandals went all the way from satanic to sartorial.