Barrister's obnoxious thread full of smug parenting stories

Started by Barrister, May 17, 2012, 02:47:49 PM

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Ed Anger

The kids objected to the grilled cheese I made for lunch. MOMMY DOESN'T BURN IT.

I almost had a prison riot happen in my kitchen. THANK YOU PIZZA HUT BIG BOX DEAL.

Stay Alive...Let the Man Drive

CountDeMoney

I drew babysitting duty with the Vampire Pre-Tween and her little Kill Bill sidekick tomorrow night.  I will post the AAR, because I'm sure it'll be hilarious.

sbr

Quote from: Barrister on September 13, 2012, 09:28:52 AM
Last night little Timmy announced "I'm going to work".  So he found a little plastic box with a handle and placed a bunch of blocks in it.  He then went up to the front door and put on mommy's shoes.  He then said loudly "[my first name] where are my keys?"  :lol:

:D

Valmy

My son loves two things: trains and balls.  And he totally flips whenever he sees sports on TV.  But because he was corrected once when American football was on that it was 'football' and not 'ball' he now screams 'FOO-BALL!!!' whenever he sees sports on TV.  I was watching the US play Jamaica in soccer and he screamed 'FOO-BALL!!' which I guess is sorta correct if we were in England.  But he insisted the Orioles and Rays were playing 'FOO-BALL' as well.  Everytime I said 'Baseball' he would shake his head and insist it was 'Foo-ball'.

As for trains we cannot even read a book about trains without him getting frustrated he cannot somehow pull the train out of the book and play with it.
Quote"This is a Russian warship. I propose you lay down arms and surrender to avoid bloodshed & unnecessary victims. Otherwise, you'll be bombed."

Zmiinyi defenders: "Russian warship, go fuck yourself."

Barrister

Quote from: Valmy on September 13, 2012, 04:06:27 PM
My son loves two things: trains and balls.  And he totally flips whenever he sees sports on TV.  But because he was corrected once when American football was on that it was 'football' and not 'ball' he now screams 'FOO-BALL!!!' whenever he sees sports on TV.  I was watching the US play Jamaica in soccer and he screamed 'FOO-BALL!!' which I guess is sorta correct if we were in England.  But he insisted the Orioles and Rays were playing 'FOO-BALL' as well.  Everytime I said 'Baseball' he would shake his head and insist it was 'Foo-ball'.

As for trains we cannot even read a book about trains without him getting frustrated he cannot somehow pull the train out of the book and play with it.

Last winter we, naturally, watched a lot of Jets hockey.  Somehow in his mind he came up with the words "Copyco", some kind of bizarre mixture of "hockey" and "Go Jets Go" I think.  But this word Copyco then became used interchangeable for A: The Winnipeg Jets and their logo, B: hockey, or sometimes C: any team sport.

I wish he'd be excited for sports on TV, but come to think of it if he's like his old man he won't care much until his 20s.
Posts here are my own private opinions.  I do not speak for my employer.

Ed Anger

It really helps if the team has a colorful mascot. I've had no problem getting the twins to watch Ohio State. They may be watching to see Brutus do silly stuff however.
Stay Alive...Let the Man Drive

CountDeMoney

So the first grader had her very first homework assignment.

Since she wanted to play her drums afterwards, she goes into the dining room to knock out her math homework. 

After about 30 minutes or so, my sister's wondering what the hell's taking so long, it can't be that difficult, it's only one page in the problem book.

Turns out she had plowed straight through page 71.  :lol:

Ed Anger

Stay Alive...Let the Man Drive

sbr

My oldest daughter is moved into the dorm and I am leaving for the 5 hour drive home.

Alone. :(

merithyn

Quote from: sbr on September 21, 2012, 03:58:13 PM
My oldest daughter is moved into the dorm and I am leaving for the 5 hour drive home.

Alone. :(

:console:

I'm a heartless bitch. When my son moved out, I helped him pack the boxes. Of course, he only moved a mile away, and he still comes over and eat my food like he lives with me.  <_<
Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish, I wish he'd go away...

Malthus

Heh, it struck me now that summer is over that my kid had the perfect six-year-old's summer vacation.

Particularly when we went up to the cottage. We took his little cousin with him, and the two of them, essentially, went feral.  ;) They ran around playing warriors all day (his grandfather was there to make them wooden swords and guns); the two of them had their own raft to pole about (supervised!); we went exploring - I took them to a rather bizzare muskeg I know about nearby, which has all sorts of carnivorous plants (sundew, pitcher plants and bladderworts) on or about big floating islands - we took a canoe in and paddled about. Of course there were hot dog roasts and the like. And he learned to recognize posionous mushrooms. He got pretty good at spotting Amanita Muscaria and the "Death Angel".  ;)

Pretty sweet deal. Makes me wish I was six again. Well that, and the whole having half your life gone thing. :D
The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane—Marcus Aurelius

merithyn

My baby girl's interim report card came in the mail. She is getting five A+s and 2 B+s. A quick note to her teachers to find out if she's missing work corrected one of those B+s into an A. (No response back on the other.) The one remaining B+ is in French. She's doing great in Algebra, Honors Lit, Science, and the rest of her classes. So proud of her!

My daughter, the Good Child. :wub:

Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish, I wish he'd go away...

PRC

Quote from: Malthus on September 27, 2012, 02:16:14 PM
Heh, it struck me now that summer is over that my kid had the perfect six-year-old's summer vacation.

Particularly when we went up to the cottage. We took his little cousin with him, and the two of them, essentially, went feral.  ;) They ran around playing warriors all day (his grandfather was there to make them wooden swords and guns); the two of them had their own raft to pole about (supervised!); we went exploring - I took them to a rather bizzare muskeg I know about nearby, which has all sorts of carnivorous plants (sundew, pitcher plants and bladderworts) on or about big floating islands - we took a canoe in and paddled about. Of course there were hot dog roasts and the like. And he learned to recognize posionous mushrooms. He got pretty good at spotting Amanita Muscaria and the "Death Angel".  ;)

Pretty sweet deal. Makes me wish I was six again. Well that, and the whole having half your life gone thing. :D

This is awesome, these are the types of summer adventures I had as a young kid and I really miss those days.

crazy canuck

My older boy has a decision to make.  The rowing season is starting up but on a dare he tried out for a regional all star basketball team - and made it.  He cant do both.   He is also helping coach his younger brother's basketball team.

Malthus

Carl wrote his grandmother a story:

QuoteThe Greedy King and the Dragon's Gold

One day there was a castle. The king loved gold. He heard there was a dragon that was keeping the gold. He used his knights to attack the dragon but he found out there was more than one. It was very difficult to defeat the dragons because they used claws and fire breath. The fire breath burned out many knights. The knights that survived the fire breath were defeated by the claws!

The king didn't give up. He used more knights. But not only sword knights but bow and arrow knights and mace knights. Even war club knights. But even that could not defeat the dragons. A few dragons were killed but not all of them. 

He then included lance knights on horses. A few dragons were killed but at least a thousand knights were killed. Finally the king was angry. He used catapults and cannons. Finally the dragons were killed. The king was very happy. Now he got the gold.

The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane—Marcus Aurelius